Monday, May 01, 2006

Late Night TV thoughts


I have to get up several times a night to let my elderly dogs out. While they are doing their business, I usually snap on the TV, and I'm usually subjected to "Paid Advertisement" programs, usually get rich quick schemes, exercise equipment that looks like torture devices, videos of young women who are certain they will never regret showing their breasts to some guy with a video camera (Grandma, is this you?), or miracle cures. We certainly do live in the golden age of snake oil, don't we. I enjoy the "male enhancement" ones the most, especially the one hosted and starring a bunch of creepy looking porn stars, who spout vague praise of this product or that, without ever saying what it does, and implying that it makes your dick bigger. I know that this type of scam probably goes back to roman times (yes, they had TV), but seriously, people, think about it. Considering the billions of dollars that BigPharm (tm) have put into producing and marketing Viagra (Vigorous Penis) , Levitra (Levitating Penis), and Cialis (the one where the guy can't throw a football through a tire swing until he takes it. Jeez, you don't have to be Freud to figure out that one.), don't you think that if there was anything that could increase the size of your package, that they would be all over it, like white on rice? (My appologies to rice.) There would be some vaguely named pharmaceutical (Increx, why not?) with its name plastered on every blimp, bus stop and Nascar hood as far as the eye could see, not just some late night tv program for graveyard shift workers and guys with old dogs. Someday there probably will be a drug like this, I'm sure they are working on it, but until then, never buy anything advertised by a porn star. I'm just sayin'.

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