"We did not have a terrorist attack on our country during President Bush's term"

OH FOR CHRIST'S SAKE! The levels of complete and utter self delusion among the right wing idiots never ceases to amaze me. Hey, Dana, if what you were saying were true, it would render Rudy Giuliani effectively mute. Think about it. The biggest blind spot among conservatives is that 9-11 happened on THEIR WATCH! They blew it, and 3000 people died! Then 8 months later, the shoe bomber happened. They blew it again! And he was tried in civil, not military court, so now, the hypocrites are saying that the underpants bomber needs to be treated as an enemy combatant and tried in a military court. And right away, the President admitted that on the underpants bomber, we "screwed up" and he's making sure that we do our best to untangle the rat's nest of intelligence gathering that was left behind by..... oh, I don't know who could have left such a mess.

Appalling. Truly Appalling.

PLEASE click the image to biggify.

Very interesting graph. Whenever I hear the conservative dupes saying that we have the best health care system on earth, it makes me shudder, especially when you look at a graph like this. So we pay three times more than the world average per person for health care. Is there a reflection on our life expectancy? Not so much. You would think that if we spend so much on health care, our life expectancy would be at least marginally higher than average, not just below average. Then again, maybe I'm mis-interpreting the meaning of "best health care system". Perhaps they mean "best" as in "best at generating wealth for the health care corporations". Yes, that does begin to make sense. If the main aim of the companies is to make profit, we sure do have the rest of the world beat. Appalling.

Shouldn't she be number one? She is in my book. I'd like to have lunch with her.

The Times of London publishes its Rich List every year.

Here's some of the rankings

1

Lakshmi Mittal and family

£10,800m

Steel

32		Sir Richard Branson	£1,200m			Transport, Internet, Mobile phones

101

Joanne Rowling

£499m

Novels, Films

214

The Queen

£270m

Head of state

When I was little, this scared the heck out of me.

The marionettes from "The Sound of Music" song, "The Lonely Goatherd". Yep, something about them scared the bejesus out of me. Not all marionettes, just them. I don't know what it is about them. Something viscerally creepy, I think. Perhaps like the fear of clowns, we don't have to know why, we just have to fast forward past that scene. Please.

I enter the 20th century!

Merry Christmas!

I have officially entered the 20th Century! I have been given an iPod. It's the greatest thing ever. Ever.

Not much else to say about that, aside from that maybe someday in the distant future, I may join you in the 21st century. But it looks pretty scary from here, so maybe not.

KRAMPUS!

KRAMPUS! A tradition that needs to be brought to America!

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Krampus is a mythical creature. In various regions of the world – especially Austria and Hungary – it is believed that Krampus accompanies St. Nicholas during the Christmas season, warning and punishing bad children, in contrast to St. Nicholas, who gives gifts to good children.

The word Krampus originates from the Old High German word for claw (Krampen). In the Alpine regions, Krampus is represented by an incubus-like creature. Traditionally, young men dress up as the Krampus in the first two weeks of December, particularly on the evening of December 5, and roam the streets frightening children and women with rusty chains and bells.^[1] In some rural areas the tradition also includes birching – corporal punishment with a birch rod – by Krampus, especially of young girls. Images of Krampus usually show him with a basket on his back used to carry away bad children and dump them into the pits of Hell.

Modern Krampus costumes consist of Larve (wooden masks), sheep's skin, and horns. Considerable effort goes into the manufacture of the hand-crafted masks, and many younger adults in rural communities compete in the Krampus events.

Drunky the Snowman (redux)

This is a re-post of my best winter post from last year. I won't be posting tomorrow, as I should be driving for at least 14 hours. We'll see if I'm even up for posting the day after. If I don't see you, Merry Xmas!

Drunky the Snowman

BoingBoing had a posting about an article in Smithsonian Magazine about Snowmen in popular culture

Snowmen

In the past, snowmen were portrayed as quite the drinkers, so I've adapted the classic song to that image. Some parts you can't sing to the original tune, just say them in your best drunken friend voice. Enjoy!

Drunky the Snowman

Was a jolly happy soul

With a corncob pipe and a button nose

Bleary eyes made out of coal.

Drunky the Snowman

Is a fairytale they say

He was made of snow

But the children know

How he came to life one day

There must have been some magic

In that bottle of Gin they found

For when they placed it in his hand

He began to drink it down

Drunky the Snowman

Was alive as he could be

And the children say

He could weave and sway

Just the same as you and me

Drunky the Snowman

Thought the sun was hot that day

So he said let's run

And we'll drink some Rum

Now before I melt away

Down to the liquor store

With a six pack in his hand

Running here and there all around the square

Saying “You’ll never take me alive, coppers!”

He led them down the streets of town

Right to the traffic cop

And he didn’t pause a moment when

He heard him holler stop

Drunky the Snowman

Had to hurry on his way

But he waved goodbye

Saying “I love you guys, I reealy love you guys. I’m not just sayin’ that. You guys are the best. We should get together and do this more often. Don’t tell me when I’ve had enough, I’ll tell you when I’ve had enough. Is it hot in here? I gotta go lay down somewhere. Can I crash on your couch, or your front lawn? I love you guys.”

“And I’ll be back again someday,

probably next weekend!”

Thumpety thump thump

Thumpety thump thump

Look at Drunky go

Thumpety thump thump

Thumpety thump thump

Over the hills of snow

The best secrets are the ones that are kept.

Every Monday morning, I go to the PostSecret site. People send in anonymous postcards with secrets that they want to tell the world, but honestly probably just want to get a vicarious thrill from people knowing what they say are their deep dark secrets. But sometimes I read them and I think, this isn't a secret, this is a lie, a fantasy, a telling of a tale that perhaps they wish were true, or at least a little more true than it is. Does that make any sense?

What am I doing in this box?

I never volunteered for this.
If you see that jerk Schrodinger, punch him in the mouth for me. You can find me right here, or maybe not. I'm either alive or dead, or neither, perhaps.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schr%C3%B6dinger%27s_cat

Before and After

So Chevy decided to give an0ther half-hearted try at an electric car. This time, they created a hip sports car with radical huge wheels and a really narrow windshield. At least the prototype had that. Take a look at the lower photo the production model. The 2010 Chevy Volt. I think it looks just like any other piece of crap that Chevy has made for the last ten years. And are they using the regenerative braking system like the Prius, the system that has proven so successful? Nope. The Volt will have a whopping 40 mile range on just electricity, they you have to use a gasoline generator to power the electric motors after that. Honestly, they're hardly even trying to disguise that they're making a car that is destined to fail, and then they can go right back to all gasoline cars. Again. We've done this dance before, guys, with the EV-1, that people couldn't buy even if they wanted to. They could only be leased, and then you couldn't renew your lease, because they wouldn't let you. Then ALL the EV-1s were taken out to a dump and shredded. Literally Shredded. And they said the "experiment" failed due to lack of interest. I hope Chevy fails completely on this one.

I never thought I'd have to say this.....

Kill the Bill.

President Obama needs to grow a pair, and do the right thing. He needs to VETO the "Health Care Reform" bill. It is not a health care reform bill at all, it is a complete concession to the health care industry.

The Democrats do not seem to know the meaning of the word compromise. Or possibly they think it means to negotiate from a position of power and then give away everything to your opponent. This seems to be what they think it means, as it is what they have done. From where I'm sitting, it is better to have no bill at all than to have the travesty that is being foisted upon us.

Please, Mr. President and whatever Democratic Senators and Representatives still have enough spine to do what's right, instead of what's expeditious. Kill The Bill, and come back next year and start over again. Perhaps Santa Claus is bringing you "a pair" that you could use next time around. You have the power, dummies. Use It!

The Medical-Industrial-Complex runs the show.

In his farewell address in 1961, President Eisenhower warned: "In the councils of government, we must guard against the acquisition of unwarranted influence, whether sought or unsought, by the military-industrial complex." Well, nobody listened to him, so we have had a series of wars for the main aim of making profit for companies like Haliburton and the mercenaries at Blackwater.

But no level of profit is enough, so the health of the entire nation has been sold off to the new hotness, the Medical-Industrial-Complex. The bottom line of profit is the only thing that matters. The patients are only important in how much they can be squeezed for. Just look at the debate going on now, where the senators and representatives, who were elected by the people, ignore the will of the people in favor of their corporate masters, the ones who pay their "salaries". From all that I can see, the majority of the American people, somewhere between 6o and 70 percent, want a public option. But that doesn't matter, because the people can't bankroll the politician's re-election campaigns, and the medical industrial complex can. They work for the people, but they answer to their masters. Bought and sold. How come if they're the whores, we're the ones getting screwed.

Don't trust your dog.

It's a sad story, and one that gets told too many times. My dog loves going for a drive, and we do, every Sunday. We roll the top down, and he sits in the back seat. Then one day, I come home to meet an insurance agent coming down my driveway. He tries to sell me some insurance, and I say no, and he laughs to himself. Then, like every Sunday, we take our drive around the top of a tall building, and all of a sudden, the accelerator is stuck at full speed, and the brakes fail. Then, the steering goes out, and as we careen off the top of the building, who bails out the back, but that bastard Rover. His barking sounds like laughter as we plummet towards the pavement. Rover you son of a bitch, I hope it was worth it!

Like the magazine says "This Can Happen to YOU!"

Don't trust your dog!

Jimmy Carter

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

I just got back from a tour of the Jimmy Carter Presidential Library Museum. To be clear, going in I was already a fan of President Carter, and I think that for many years now, the Right Wing Media Machine has, very incorrectly, painted his presidency as a failure, mostly based on the Messiah Complex they have built around Ronald Reagan. I have always thought that was a bunch of nonsense, that Carter's presidency, while it had it's flaws, was very successful, especially at getting us out of the hole (again) that the Republicans had gotten us into (again). Towards the end of the exhibit, there were two video segments where Brian Williams was interviewing him about the Iranian Hostage Crisis. It was from the same interview posted above, and I can't find it anywhere online, so you'll have to go to the Museum to see it. The Right Wing myth is that the hostages were freed because the Iranians were so terrified of Reagan, that they let the hostages go to both appease him, and to give Carter a black eye. For those of you who don't remember, the hostages were freed within hours of Reagan becoming president. But the interviews on display basically outline the behind-the-scenes efforts of the Carter White House to freeze so much of the Iranian government's assets, both domestically and internationally, that they couldn't maintain their economy any more. He says that he did not sleep at all for three days before the inauguration, negotiating with banks and governments. I believe the figure was 12 billion dollars frozen domestically, despite the efforts of "greedy bankers", and at least that much internationally, including 2 billion in Iranian gold frozen in the Bank of England. So, the way I see it, the freeing of the Hostages was not the first act of the Reagan presidency, as is commonly and wrongly asserted, but the final act of the Carter presidency. President Reagan even asked President Carter to go over and greet the freed hostages in Germany, and he was nervous about meeting them, but they were not hostile to him, and greeted him very warmly. I think they knew that it was his efforts, not fear of Reagan that led to their release. Also, Reagan did not knock down the Berlin wall with one mighty punch, as the Right Wing Nuts keep telling the public is true. Reagan was neither messiah nor superman, just the best puppet the conservatives have ever had.

False Advertising!

Oh, for the god's sake, please

CLICK TO BIGGIFY!

False Advertising! I used to drink Ovaltine a lot as a child, and as far as I know I never once woke up gay!

If this were true, wouldn't the chant be:
"We're Here, We're Queer, We Love Chocolatey Ovaltine! Join Us!"

The my favorite sites awards for 2009.

Here's a little list of the sites where I spend my time. I hereby award them the My Favorite Sites of 2009 Award. No real prize.

http://www.boingboing.net/

http://www.neatorama.com/

http://gizmodo.com/

http://www.bookofjoe.com/

http://io9.com/

http://icanhascheezburger.com/

http://consumerist.com/

http://www.shorpy.com/

http://www.snopes.com/info/whatsnew.asp

http://www.salon.com/

http://www.slate.com/

http://www.theonion.com/

http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/

http://www.darkroastedblend.com/

and of course.....

http://www.homestarrunner.com/

Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo

Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo. That is a perfectly good sentence, invented by a clever professor in Buffalo, NY (where else.
Confused?
Think of it this way:

Bison from Buffalo, New York, who are intimidated by other bison in their community also happen to intimidate other bison in their community.

or

THE buffalo FROM Buffalo WHO ARE buffaloed BY buffalo FROM Buffalo ALSO buffalo THE buffalo FROM Buffalo.

or

"Buffalo buffalo (main clause Subject) [which the] Buffalo buffalo (subordinate clause Direct Object) buffalo [subordinate clause Verb] buffalo [main clause Verb] Buffalo buffalo [main clause Direct Object]."

Thank you, Wikipedia! I know some people are skeptical about whatever they see on Wikipedia, but I still like it.

That's me.

Flying

A Taiwanese airline has a couple of their planes branded with Hello Kitty, inside and out and every which way. I'm a fan of the whole Hello Kitty thing, sort of in a fascination with the extreme pervasiveness of it all. She's everywhere, and she's everything. I can't imagine the number of hipsters with Hello Kitty tattoos. Don't even try to. Your head might a-splode. I especially like the concept of the HK plane, but something about it makes me uncomfortable. What happens if the HK plane crashes? Doesn't the extreme cuteness of it all make the tragedy ever so much more tragic?

I used to fly in planes a lot, not so much any more, and I miss it. I find the experience mostly relaxing. Something about the sound of the circulation fans chills me out and puts me to sleep. I sometimes was able to sleep through takeoff, which is a somewhat disassociating thing, to wake up suddenly at 30,000 feet. So I usually catch a quick nap, and then read uninterrupted except for the soda and peanuts, and then I'm someplace new. I just like flying. Once I flew in a Southwest Airlines plane decorated to look like the orca whale Shamu. It was like the HK plane, decorated on the exterior, with the napkins, pretzel bags and plastic cups decorated with images of the plane. The stewards and stewardesses wore neckties decorated with the SWA and Shamu logo pattern.

I learned something interesting the other day. When Delta Airlines started the first passenger service in their DC3s the first qualification for being a stewardess what that you had to be a licensed, registered nurse! Then again, in those days the planes were barely insulated, and the ride was very rough, and almost everybody aboard got sick, sooner or later. But the seats were huge! Bigger than today's La-z-boy chairs, from what I could tell. Almost as big as the behemoths in today's first class sections. I've never flown first class, but it sure must be nice. So nice that they have to put up a curtain, to shut themselves off from the peasants. Must be nice.

Rare video of Michael Steele singing!

I know that I promised to stay away from politics, but I guess you just can't trust me. Perhaps I am a politician. Anyway, it does sound like Republican strategy, and he does look a little like Michael Steele, doesn't he? Like it or not, they have become the party of NO. No matter what the President does, no matter what he says, they have to oppose it. Karl Goebbels, er I mean Rove, and Dick Cheney, and all the nut jobs at Foox Newz say that they have to. If the President issued an executive order stating that puppies and kittens were adorable, they'd come out with press releases detailing how dangerous, ugly, disease ridden, and deadly puppies and kittens are. And the Teabaggers would make a new addition to their ridiculous "Don't Tread On Me!" flags. They would add "Tread On Puppies And Kittens!", and then they would.

3263827!

A very good friend of mine is one of the ultimate SciFi geekettes. She knows more about Star Wars than most... humans. She waits in line for hours to get autographs and pictures of her favorite Actors. I've seen a photo of her wedged between Nimoy and Shatner. And the title of this post? She knows what it means!

Aside from that, she's a huge English Football (soccer) fan, and says that she was a tomboy growing up.

Well, her young daughter is going through a "Disney Princess" stage, and while Mom is completely supportive, she has said that she wouldn't mind if her daughter was a little more of a tomboy. That might be a bit much to wish for, but, what about combining princess or ballerina with a STORMTROOPER! A Stormtrooperina! A Stormtrooperincess!

I say Go For It!

Valid excuse

I know I said I would be posting every day in December, but I have an excuse. I made a long distance trip yesterday, driving, to run a long distance errand, and what do I run into, but first, snow, and then, a bad accident that had me stopped dead for an hour and a half, fourty miles south of Nashville. All this turned a ten hour trip into a fifteen hour one. But at least I got some nice pictures. And I got to see an amazing sunset at Lake Nickajack, which I wouldn't have seen if I hadn't been delayed. I've been meaning to do a post about how amazing the camera on my phone is. It's just a little flip-phone, not a smart phone or an iPhone, but it sure takes nice pictures. I'll post twice today to make up for the skip day. Please click the photos to biggify.

Born, not made.

There is an endless debate as to whether sexual orientation is inborn, or a choice one makes.

From my perspective, I'm pretty sure it is inborn, because one of my earliest memories is watching the Sid and Marty Kroft television show "The Bugaloos". I was maybe 4 or 5 years old, and I thought that the character "Joy" was the nicest thing I had ever seen. Specifically, I remember thinking "She has really pretty legs."

Tell me I was wrong. I dare you.

Unattributed.

Here's a bunch of my favorite quotes. Unattributed, because in some cases I don't remember who said what, and in most cases because I don't want to know who said it. I don't want to put importance upon it because "somebody smart" said it. I just like them because I do.

When starting or joining a Revolution, don’t forget that the Army will never run out of bullets.

Data is not information, information is not knowledge, and knowledge is not wisdom.

The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.

It's foolish to expect a man to tell the truth, when his paycheck depends on him not telling the truth.

Only that life is worth living which develops the strength and the integrity to withstand the unavoidable sufferings and misfortunes of existence without flying into an imaginary world.

We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be

Man is a rational animal who always loses his temper when he is called upon to act in accordance with the dictates of reason

The rash assertion that 'God made man in his own image' is ticking like a time-bomb at the foundations of many faiths, and as the heirarchy of the universe is disclosed to us, we may have to recognize this chilling truth: if there are any gods whose chief concern is man, they cannot be very important gods.

Most of the greatest evils that man has inflicted upon man have come through people feeling quite certain about something which was, in fact, false.

Philosophy is written in the vast book which stands open before our eyes. I mean the universe; but it cannot be read until we have learnt the language and become familiar with the characters in which it is written.

If space is, it will be in something; for everything that is, is in something; and to be in something is to be in space. Space then will be in space, and so on, ad infinitum. Therefore space does not exist.

Man differs from the animal only by little; most men throw that little away.

Geological eras, periods, and epochs are human inventions; they are man's attempt to put huge stretches of time in their place and make them seem reasonable comprehensible. Nature was indifferent to such fine distinctions. Time flowed on continuously with one phase changing imperceptible into another without dividing itself neatly into segments.

But it does me no injury for my neighbor to say there are twenty gods or no God. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.

There should be a law, that if you find God, you get to keep him.

The greatest sin is to do well what should not be done at all.

Countdown to the end of the world.

Here's a picture of a beautiful yet slightly menacing part of the CERN supercolider.

You remember that one, the one that's going to destroy the world?

I spoke to a physicist who I work with, and I asked him why, since it's started up successfully, hasn't the world been destroyed.

He tells me that they're only operating at partial power, and that it will take quite some time before they will be able to operate at full power. I asked when it will be at full power, so I'll know when to stop buying milk, and he said a year or so. Uh oh, says I, that means 2012! We know that the world is going to end then! The Maya told us so! Just like the world ended in 1999! And 999! and 666! And every other time some religious nut has decided that it was, in his or her opinion, time to hit the reset button. Guess what? I can tell you when the world is going to end, with much greater certainty than any of the current crop of nut-jobs.

The world will end when the sun expands and becomes a Red Giant Star, in about 5 billion years, so sometime around 3:04 on Friday the 20th of April in the year 5,000,002,009. How did I come up with such a specific date and time? Like all the other prophets before me, I pulled it out of thin air.

Questions about Twilight. Really.

Although I don't remember that much about it, I think that I actually kind of liked the film Twilight, although I am neither a teen age girl nor a 40 year old girl.

I haven't seen the second Twilight film yet, but since it's out and in the news:

I have several questions about Twilight:

1. Why do the vampires keep going back to high-school? Isn't four years of misery enough for them? From the wall of mortar boards in their home, they just can't seem to get enough of high-school, and presumably, college. If they're looking to maintain a "normal" public face in the community, firstly, WHY, and secondly, wouldn't it be easier to claim they are home schooling?

2. A hundred year old high-school vampire who is attracted to a teenager he won't have sex with, but he will sneak into her bedroom and sit up all night, watching her as she sleeps in her underwear. What's wrong with this picture? OK, how many things are wrong with this picture? And why doesn't it bother the teenage fan's parents?

3. Why don't the townspeople notice that the "Father and Mother" vampire are just a couple years older than the "high-school" age vampires?

4. That's a really nice house. What are the vampire's jobs, that they can afford a house like that? I'd think the "I can come to work any day that it isn't sunny." would limit one's prospects. And why do they have such an elaborate kitchen, and why do they even know how to cook?

5. Sparkly in sunlight? Really?

And honestly, I do want answers to these questions. Please pass this post on to whomever you think can answer them in the comments, seriously or otherwise. Eventually I'm sure I'll have questions about the Werewolves too. When does the Mummy show up?

December Experiment

Inspired by the excellent movie Julie and Julia, I'm going to see if I can post to this blog every day for the entire month of December. Why? Why Not? If for nothing else, this blog is for me, sort of a diary that everyone can read. Is that kind of creepy? Anyway, I'm going to post every day, so stop by if you like. I'll try to keep the political rants to a minimum, but I'm not promising. With as much crazy as there is around these days, I'm sure it will be hard to stay away from. Enjoy the window into my brain, if you dare. If something amuses or angers you, please pass a link of it to someone else you think might appreciate it. And comment, for god's sake. As I found out from the movie, that's what we bloggers really live for.
Thanks!

I stole this.

Yes, I stole this, because there are just some things that I can't say as well as Tom Tomorrow does.

And nobody reads my blog anyway, so I guess nobody gets hurt.

Please don't sue me.

I miss Carl.

Let them go.

Please watch this video. These people are serious. (Seriously deranged, that is.)

So some traitors in the State of Texas hate the United States so much that they want to secede and become their own country.

I say, let them.

Let them form what they think will be their own little conservative utopia, free from the oppressive hand of Uncle Sam. Let's see how that works out for them. Honestly, I'm not kidding. Let them go. Let's see how they like being treated as a hostile foreign power. Let's see how they like their new crippling import and export taxes. Let's see how they like the immediate and permanent revocation of all funds they receive from the government of the United States, and while we're at it, all government contracts. Let's see how they like losing the support of the National Guard and FEMA when the next major disaster strikes. Let's see how long they can maintain their road and bridge system without any federal support. How about their ports and airfields? No more Department of Homeland Security for them. Sorry, that makes you a potential easy point of entry for terrorists, so we'll have to close all our borders to Texas. And without FAA support, it's going to be difficult to fly in and out of Texas. We will also, of course, have to close all United States military installations in Texas, and move them and their functions to other, friendlier, places. And of course, without monitoring by the FDA, produce from Texas can't be imported into the United States, sorry. Oh, and they can take over the monitoring of their southern border with Mexico, because we'll be taking all of our staff and monitoring equipment with us. Perhaps we should take down whatever walls and fences we have built, and relocate them to places that we want to protect, because we sure don't want to keep protecting traitors. And while we're on the subject of foreign relations, we will certainly ask countries we are on good terms with like Canada, Mexico and the EU to restrict trade and monetary transfers into and out of Texas. Texas may be big, but not so big that the rest of the world will side with them against the United States. And I suspect that many major companies would rather relocate to the United States rather than stay within a country hostile to their business interests. We can give these companies whatever incentives they need; after all, we're saving a whole lot of money that would otherwise go to supporting Texas, aren't we? Worst of all, for them; let's see how they like it when their college and university football teams can no longer compete with teams from the United States. We don't let our colleges and universities compete with teams from other countries, so bye-bye to them as well. Sadly, this last point is probably the only one that will get most Texans to go against secession. Football, after all, is the only thing that really matters to a lot of Texans.

I have no idea what is going on here.

As Crow T. Robot once said: "She's so perky! .... I hate perky."

The law of extremely big numbers.

Nothing is impossible..... but almost everything is highly unlikely.

Because of the law of extremely big (near infinite) numbers, certain things are true:

Life exists. 100% certainty. I and you are proof.

Life exists, has existed, or will exist, somewhere else in the universe. 100% certainty, given the size of the universe and the length of time given, around 13 billion years and counting.

That we will ever be able to contact, be contacted by, or in any way encounter the other life in the universe is a 100% certainty against, given the vast distances, both in space and time involved, combined with the limiting effect of the speed of light.

One way of putting the space part of the equation into perspective is to realize the sheer number of galaxies involved. Look at the night sky, anywhere, randomly. Imagine an area the size of the moon. If you focus the Hubble telescope at that random area for a long exposure, you will see an average of 400 galaxies. Not stars, galaxies. And this is true for any point that you choose to focus on. Each of these 400 galaxies may contain an average of one hundred million stars, and a good proportion of each of those stars, in each of those galaxies, has the possibility of planets, and among those planets, there is the possibility, however small, of a planet able to sustain life "as we know it". There may be, of course, life "as we don't know it" as well. But as I stated before, the chances of encountering any of those distant life forms is effectively zero.

Sorry to be harsh, but that's just what the numbers say to me. Say, for instance, life evolves in some galaxy hundreds of millions of light years away, and advances to the point of sentience, and advances to the point of trying to communicate with other life forms, so they send out some sort of signal. It reaches us on earth! But.. life has just evolved, and the bacteria have no interest in the signal. Or, it gets here just as the sun expands to swallow the earth, in the far future, long after we're all gone. Either extreme is just as likely, that is to say, not at all, as being contacted by chance, right here and now. What I'm getting at is that I think that the odds of life at all are so infinitely small, that the odds of two sentient life systems occurring at the same time on opposite sides of the galaxy, and both getting to the same place, or one getting to the other, are so large, against, that it just isn't going to happen. The laws of time, space and probability are a harsh mistress. And this doesn't even take into account that even if we did meet a lifeform from someplace else, that we would be able to communicate with them in any way. The odds of life evolving to be mutually comprehensible multiplies another infinity by another infinity against, again. Little green or gray or whatever men? Please. Bipedalism? Please. Communication strictly through visible and auditory means only? Please. Defying the laws of physics? Double please.

Which is not to say that this should make us as a planet feel depressed or alone. Quite the opposite, in fact. We are unique, and special, and should make the most of every experience. We should not stop exploring, even though we will probably not find anything. If we did, I'd be glad, and embarrassed, but in the end, I'm not going to hold my breath. And I'm going to keep watching science fiction, but remembering that the most important word in that name is fiction.

!!!! *CORRECTION* !!!! The average galaxy contains somewhere between one hundred BILLION and one TRILLION stars. So that puts the big numbers dramatically higher! Sorry for the confusion.

Chachaco or Sourdough, one thing is for sure......

... and that thing is, you're never getting your records back.

People have said a lot of things about where Sarah Palin came from, where she was and where she is going. The truth is that she came from a cynical part of the Republican party, that saw that they were losing, and they grasped at a straw, or a piece of fireweed, growing along the frost-heaves, maybe, that they could steal enough Democrats away to win if they nominated ANY woman. They really didn't care who, so long as they could use her to continue the Rove/Cheney administration, and sadly, if they had chosen better, it might have worked. But it became more than abundantly clear that she was just too far out for anyone with the smallest amount of common sense. To begin with, she was the leader of Alaska, and, no disrespect, everyone in Alaska is totally nuts. No disrespect. You put people in a climate like that, and then make it dark, or at least severely reduced daylight for half the year, and it's a wonder they haven't started eating each other alive. No disrespect. (Thanks to Jon Stewart for introducing me to that wonderful phrase)

Now that she's quit as governor of Alaska, and, sorry, there's no two ways about it, she quit, she quit, she quit, and may she shoot me from an airplane if it should be otherwise, what is she going to do? The funniest/most terrifying scenario is that she will become the "White Oprah". Shudder.....

But really, what she is, what she has become, is America's psycho stalker ex-girlfriend. Once exposed to the glow of the TV lights, she became hypnotized, and did the most dangerous thing known to man, she started to believe her own propaganda. She'll never be able to believe that It Is Over. She "will not be ignored." Now she'll never leave America alone. She'll call at all hours, vandalize our car, send us creepy, threatening emails, and one thing is for sure.. we're not getting our record collection back.

Geekier than I

I find it comforting that no matter how geeky I am, there will always be someone, some many someones, in fact, who are far, far geekier than I could ever hope to be.

Normally, I object to unscientific polls.

I tend to not object to results that I agree with. I suppose that this is the way for everyone.

Who wouldn't enjoy this?

Nobody I know.

Sometimes when I look at Star Wars, I think that children today look at it like I look at The Wizard of Oz, or Gone With the Wind, or Citizen Kane, that is, a great movie that came out a long, long time ago. Waaaaaaay back in 1977! I was 13! I went to see during its first run at least 12 times! (Honestly, once you saw it on your own just a couple of times, people would bring you along for kicks, which added to your total.) Are there any movies being made now that kids will look back at when they are in their mid 40's and say "That was an amazing experience!"? And if you didn't say that during the first Star Destroyer flyover shot in the "First" Star Wars film, YOU WEREN'T THERE. I had a whole lot of Star Wars toys, too, and you know what I did with them? I took them out of the box, and played with them. And I don't obsess over how much they would have been worth if I had kept them in the box, either. Some people today have lost the meaning of fun. There I go again, soundin' like an old fogey. Well, maybe I am, but I enjoy it so.

Fly me to the moon. To the moon, Alice!

A friend pointed out to me that I had not posted on "We didn't really go to the moon day", yesterday. Well, this is the best I could come up with, on such short notice. One of the most prolific moon deniers had been stalking Buzz Aldrin, the second man to walk on the moon, for a long time, trying to get him to swear on a Bible, that he really had been to the moon. He took Buzz's refusal to do so as an admission that it was all faked. Well, Buzz, a very religious guy, gets fed up, and cleans the little bastards clock. The guy had lied to Buzz, asking him to give an interview for a Japanese children's TV show. How classy. He tried to sue Buzz for assault, and the judge threw it right out of court, saying that Buzz had been provoked. Note to self: Don't Provoke Buzz Aldrin.

Note to Conspiracy Theory Idiots. We. Went. To. The. Moon. It would have been more expensive to fake it than to actually go. And required thousands of murders to cover the evidence. But, in fact, there is no evidence to cover, because we went. We actually went. And someday we'll go back, and visit the original landing sites in 3D high definition video, and we'll be able to follow it all extremely closely, and these idiots will still say it was and is all faked. We should just ignore these morons. I'm just glad that Buzz finally gave this one what he had coming to him.

Too many hours in a day.

Some people say that there are not enough hours in a day. I say quite the opposite, as long as we're talking about the:

24 Hour News Cycle.

Honestly, CNN, HLN, MSNBC, FOX, and whatever else I'm missing, have so bought into the idea that they have to be transmitting "news" 24 hours a day, that they have become blind to the fact that a great deal of what they transmit is not really news at all. A squirrel with its head caught in a yogurt container got several minutes of coverage the other day. The footage was sent in to HLN by a viewer, who, thankfully, then proceeded to remove the container from the squirrel. How is this news? It isn't. I think they should have a stoplight at the top of the screen, red, yellow and green. If it is real news, from real reporters, the green will light up, if it is not news, but entertaining or at least distracting, it will light up red. If it is questionable, maybe news, maybe not news, yellow. That's pretty simple, but it will never happen, because the red light would be on most of the time. I guess they have just redefined "news". And all of the viewer content is kind of ridiculous, too, with people sending (or... shudder... tweeting) in their opinion on stories, which then get read on the air. I honestly don't care what some random viewer thinks, and I would rather they not bother me with it. Maybe the 24 hour cycle is getting to the newsdrones, so they have to add viewer opinion to break the monotony and keep from going crazy.

Another sufferer of the 24 hour cycle is Comedy Central. I've been watching some of their stand up comedian's specials, and I'm sorry, but they're not that special. loud, rude and mean spirited seems to pass for funny these days. Sure, I had a chuckle or two, over the course of an hour, but these guys are playing to huge theaters, and the crowd is near hysterical with laughter. I just don't get it. But when you're called Comedy Central, you have to fill the entire day with what passes for comedy. Although they do play The Daily Show and The Colbert Report, several times a day, which is their crossover with the 24 hour news cycle, I suppose. And honestly, the reporting and most importantly the information in the reporting is usually vastly superior to what you can get on the all-news channels. And at least they get to run the infomercials overnight, which are actually funnier than a lot of the stand up they run during prime time.

Yet another rant about the rich.

Yes, yes. Once again, I'm going to rant about the rich, the rulers of this country and of the world.

You should be used to it by now.

The Rules for the Rich:
1. The Bottom Line is the ONLY Line.
2. People don't matter.
3. Any taxation is EVIL.
4. The pain of the people is unimportant.
5.The pain of the Rich must be passed on to the people.

What I'm trying to say is that during these hard economic times, when things have gotten so bad that even the ruling elite are feeling it, they will continue to complain about how they are suffering, and in turn, must pass that suffering on to the masses. Never mind that their tax cuts have not been rolled back or removed, never mind that they still live lavish, opulent lifestyles where they have to invent things to waste their money on, never mind that now they have the time and energy to mount tax protest "Tea Parties", complaining how heavily they are already taxed. Okay, let's lay it on the line once again: Taxes on the Rich were nearly eliminated on the theory of Trickle Down Economics. By this theory, if they are not taxed, they will reinvest the money that they would have been taxed into their businesses. That theory has proven absolutely wrong, time and time again. Instead of reinvesting, the rich have hoarded their money in tax havens like Switzerland and the Caribbean, or spent it on extreme luxury goods, partly just to rub it in the noses of the rest of us that they do not have to be concerned about getting by, and that the only definition of enough that they subscribe to is "Too Much". Honestly, the market for extreme luxury goods has not suffered in the slightest in this economy. If anything, it has increased, as the rich indulge themselves to relieve their pain at how the country is becoming socialist (which it isn't). "Spreading the Wealth Around" is not Socialism, it is just trying to make the rich aware of the fact that although they should not be punished for their success, they have to be made to realize that their success is made on the backs and the blood of the masses that they are so disdainful of. Henry Ford realized that his company could only succeed if it made a product that his own workers could afford, yet today we have a huge market for thousand dollar high-heel shoes, hundred thousand dollar handbags, three hundred thousand dollar wristwatches, and half million dollar cars. Do you honestly think that the price of those goods is at all reflected in the wages of the workers who produce them? No, the profits go to the business owners, in a part of the cycle of waste that is almost completely removed from the rest of the economy. What needs to happen is to completely remove the Reagan-Bush tax cuts, and to tell the whining rich that they have and are still benefiting hugely from the economy, more than everyone else, and now it is their responsibility to help the peasants for a while. Then, once the middle class is restored, they will start purchasing again, and that will more than make up for the taxes that you are now paying. Share the wealth, share the responsibility, share the rewards. And stop shaming the memory of the Boston Tea Party with you tax protests. The issue then was Taxation Without Representation, and as far as I can tell, you are more than adequately represented by our government, which is still, with a few notable, wonderful exceptions, a bunch of old, rich, white guys, running the country for the benefit of a bigger bunch of old, rich, white guys and their families. All we want is what was promised to us when your taxes were cut back to almost nothing. Give us that, and we'll leave you alone, and make you richer in the bargain. That shouldn't be too much to ask.

A solution to all our problems

Well, once again, another politician has been caught with his (literal) pants down. Perhaps they should just put saltpeter in the water at all government buildings in Washington DC. What is it about being elected, that makes your libido suddenly uncontrollable. You have to know that if you have to concoct an elaborate lie to cover your tracks, sooner or later you're going to get caught. Honestly, "I'm hiking the Appalachian Trail." has now become a euphemism. What for? You know. Don't be coy. And did he really think that he could sneak away TO ARGENTINA for a liaison with his mistress and that no one would notice that he was no where to be found? He didn't even bother to tell his vice-governor where he was. Then again, isn't he the VICE governor himself? That joke is too easy. So many politicians, Democrat, Republican and everything else are getting caught, it has led the "Log Cabin Republicans" (the gay republicans) group to say "And these are the guys who say that Gay Marriage would be a threat to the Sanctity of Straight Marriage?". They are right, and I have a solution.

All politicians must be female.

It's not a perfect solution, and I know that women are not infallible, but they certainly should be able to do a better job than the lying jerks we seem to have running the country now. Except for President Obama. I still think he has his head on straight. Then again, he is married to our first supermodel first lady. And have you seen her amazing arms? She could knock him across the Potomac, if he ever gave her reason. I personally emailed him with the suggestion that he make Hillary Clinton his Secretary of State, and he's never sent me a thank you.

Simply Amazing

I want to show this to every racist and small minded person everywhere.

Yeah, now that I've found out how to put videos in my blog, I'll try not to do it too often, but this one was too good to pass up.

Creative people freak me out.

I think these look cool, and fun. Personally, I'd decorate mine like freaky steampunk robot legs, and use them to crush my enemies, if I had any enemies, that is. But the second half of the video, when she puts on the horse outfit... shudder...... furries. I also expect to see these showing up at Renaissance festivals. Huzzah! Where I also see a lot of winged hairy demon dudes and their leather bustier clad "handlers". I don't remember that part of the renaissance. Mostly I remember the plagues, and the crusades. But maybe there were half horse people, winged hairy demon dudes and their bustier clad "handlers", elves, orcs, hobbits, and other fairy folk that I tend to forget because of, well, the plagues and the crusades. But that's just me.

More Dramatic Than I.

So, I'm big on getting free stuff. As I say:
"Free is Free". And I scour pages for free stuff to get. Today, I found that I could get a free deck of "Magic: The Gathering" cards, here:
http://www.wizards.com/promo/hereirule/

Once I signed up for my free deck, I got a page with the message on today's photo. PLEASE click the photo to biggify, for full JEEZ effect. When I read the message, I read the word "Planeswalker" as Plane Swalker, but I think they mean it as Planes Walker. I like my way better.

I've never played this type of game, or any D&D type game, to be honest. I have watched people, and by people I mean almost exclusively boys, play this type of game, and I've watched their eyes glaze over, their breathing speed up, and their communication reduce to a series of grunts and wails of pain or delight, as the game turns one way and then the next. It's all too OCD for me. But I'm looking forward to looking through a deck, anyway. Get your deck, and we'll battle, cluelessly. HUZZAH!

So happy, so freaking happy.

This photo has made me so happy, I can barely contain myself. He's gone. He's gone. He's gone. Of course, the damage that he has done will last for generations, and his toadies are busy trying to rewrite history to make him look like a hero rather than a total, unmitigated, complete, whole-hearted, 100% disaster. But he's gone, which is something at least.

So now the republicans are trying to obstruct everything the President does, because when he succeeds, it will prove even more strongly what complete failures they have been.
They have even started throwing around the word "socialist" again, claiming that the Presidents ideas are "socialist". When I was in grade school, the teachers taught us a lot of good things, but one that I think is the most important is:

Never use a word if you don't really know what it means.

The republicans should take a lesson from my grade school teachers.

Someday, we will all be robots.

Happy New Year - Chew on this!

I wanted to post, but I don't have anything to say. So here's a strange photo, that you can make of what you will. I know what's going on, but I'm not telling.

Drunky the Snowman

BoingBoing had a posting about an article in Smithsonian Magazine about Snowmen in popular culture

Snowmen

In the past, snowmen were portrayed as quite the drinkers, so I've adapted the classic song to that image. Some parts you can't sing to the original tune, just say them in your best drunken friend voice. Enjoy!

Drunky the Snowman

Was a jolly happy soul

With a corncob pipe and a button nose

Bleary eyes made out of coal.

Drunky the Snowman

Is a fairytale they say

He was made of snow

But the children know

How he came to life one day

There must have been some magic

In that bottle of Gin they found

For when they placed it in his hand

He began to drink it down

Drunky the Snowman

Was alive as he could be

And the children say

He could weave and sway

Just the same as you and me

Drunky the Snowman

Thought the sun was hot that day

So he said let's run

And we'll drink some Rum

Now before I melt away

Down to the liquor store

With a six pack in his hand

Running here and there all around the square

Saying “You’ll never take me alive, coppers!”

He led them down the streets of town

Right to the traffic cop

And he didn’t pause a moment when

He heard him holler stop

Drunky the Snowman

Had to hurry on his way

But he waved goodbye

Saying “I love you guys, I reealy love you guys. I’m not just sayin’ that. You guys are the best. We should get together and do this more often. Don’t tell me when I’ve had enough, I’ll tell you when I’ve had enough. Is it hot in here? I gotta go lay down somewhere. Can I crash on your couch, or your front lawn? I love you guys.”

“And I’ll be back again someday,

probably next weekend!”

Thumpety thump thump

Thumpety thump thump

Look at Drunky go

Thumpety thump thump

Thumpety thump thump

Over the hills of snow

Get Behind the Union!

A friend of mine pointed out that the Republicans are against

Gays

Unions

And Gay Unions

How true, how true. But by Gay Unions did he mean Gay Marriage, or The International Brotherhood of Queer Electricians Local 603?

Well, as a last F you to the American people, the Republicans stopped a bailout bill for the automobile industry, not because it was particularly badly designed, or because the auto executives didn't spell out exactly how they would improve the industry, but because it didn't do enough to kill off the Unions. They think the only way to increase profitability for shareholders is to roll back all of the gains made by the Unions, who were actually responsible for creating the "middle class", making it possible for many people to actually buy their product. But that's not the way many Republicans see it. They see every penny that Union members are paid as a penny that's not in their pockets. And every penny that is not in their pockets burns them like a thousand fires. How dare the little people demand safe working conditions and decent wages! They should be grateful to have work at all, and take what we give them. Oh, for the golden age of the robber barons, when the benighted class could do whatever they wanted, no questions asked. For them "middle class" is just a euphemism for "uppity poor". But just as we rushed to war, we're rushing to rescue the auto industry, but only in the way that will damn the "unintended" consequences of killing off the Unions. Just watch.

What is thy bidding, my Master?

At left is one of Annie Liebowitz's portraits of the big Q herself, or as I like to call her,

Darth Ellie.

(Click the photo to biggify, for full effect)

When that woman tells you to do something, you do it. She even has the power to (mostly) control Corgis. Now that's sheer, raw power. And I get the feeling that she was annoyed with being photographed, and that caused the weather behind her to change from a bright blue sunny sky with the telletubbies sun in it to the brooding impending doomscape you see. Sure is dramatic. I think she has control over the weather, like Prospero in The Tempest. I wouldn't cross her.

The article I lifted the photo from gives one of Annie's tips for getting good portraits. Tell the subject you're done, and then keep shooting. They will relax a bit before they know what's going on. Then the Queen used The Force to hurl the photographer across the Thames. You don't mess with the Queen.

Separation of Church and Bear?

Stephen Colbert tells us that "Bears are Godless Killing Machines!", but I think that this proves that wrong.

Although, who knows what God, god, Gods or gods Smokey is praying to?

This question is too deep, even for me.

Oh no, not again.

Ok, let me get this straight:

28 billion dollars of taxpayer money
is being "loaned" to the big 3
automakers,
So they can continue to make
Oversize
Overpriced
vehicles
That no one wants
or if they do want them
they can't afford them
or get loans for them
even if they have near perfect credit
because
the loan companies
aren't giving out loans,
expecting people to be able to
pay cash to
buy the cars the big 3 are making
with the money they don't have
and the government has the gall to
give in to the ransom
the car company executives
are holding the country for.

And people still don't believe that we live in a plutocracy.
I give up.

Economics Lesson

I"m overjoyed that Barack Obama will be our next President, but I know that he has an uphill battle to fight. Quite possibly, the steepest uphill battle ever, because he's not just fighting to recover the economy, he's fighting those who want the economy fixed, but only for themselves. You know, my perennial bugaboo, the Rich.

I don't believe, in fact that we actually live in a democracy at this point. We live in a democratic plutocracy. Government of the country by the Rich, for the benefit of the Rich. There's not even anyone left who seriously believes that anything will ever "trickle down" to the rest of us, is there? And anyway, for all of the disdainful talk of "spreading the wealth around", wasn't that what Trickle Down Economics was supposed to do in the first place? Wouldn't that make Saint Ronald Reagan the biggest Socialist President in the history of the United States?

When I watch the news, and I see the pundits obsessing over the Dow Industrials Average and the Standard and Poors average, all I see is the Rich obsessing over whether they are making obscene amounts of money quickly, when the markets are "up" or making slightly less obscene amounts of money slowly, when the markets are "down". These people have more money than they could ever spend on themselves and their families in their entire lifetimes, indulging their every whim and crying about how much they have "lost" in the markets at the same time. My heart bleeds for the person who now only has 5 or 6 million left in the bank, down from 10 or 12 million. How ever will they survive? And the executives of the auto companies have the gall to come to the government and demand billions of dollars to save their industry, but refuse to promise any changes, until "after" the money is given to them. It sounds fishy to me. But you know me by now, I just can't stop ranting about how the Rich have become so disconnected from reality that they can't understand why we should all have to suffer as much as they feel that they are suffering right now. Never mind that because of their greed, the rest of us were suffering in the first place. So we have to bail them out for their failures, and what do they give us in return? Nothing but their scorn. God, I'm a bitter S.O.B.

But I do have a little bit of hope. When Bill Clinton took office, I didn't see how he could possibly fix the economy, as the Republicans had screwed it up so completely for everyone except for the rich, but he took us from the largest (yet) deficits in history, to the largest budget surplus in recent memory. And Barack Obama is inheriting an economy and deficit that makes the situation Bill was left with looking positively sunny. Honestly, W could not have done a worse job and left more disastrous problems for the country unless he was actually actively trying to destroy America. But I have hope that things can only get better. Please let it be so.

My home town

Here's a picture of part of my home town, River Grove, Illinois, just outside Chicago, just underneath the DesPlaines River. This doesn't happen very often, just when the river gods want a really great 100% all-beef Vienna brand Chicago style hot dog. This is Gene's & Jude's. Yes, that's the name, despite the sign on the left, which is wrong. Really great hot dogs, fresh cut fries, tamales, sodas, and unless things have drastically changed, nothing else. People line up, in long lines, in hot, humid, sticky weather to have these dogs, and they're worth it. 100% worth it. Don't believe me, just ask the river gods.
http://www.roadfood.com/Reviews/Overview.aspx?RefID=2284

Right down the road is an unlikely Tiki Bar, Hala Kahiki, http://www.hala-kahiki.com/. I don't know if they were under water, but if you're going to make the trip (and you should) to Gene's and Jude's, you might as well go down the road and have one of those fruity drinks strong enough to knock the back of yer head off, while you're at it.

I haven't been back there in years, having moved to the deep south, well past the ghost of Comiskey Park, but I'm going back soon, and if the water's down by then, I'm going. See you there.

Does proximity equal experience?

So the republicans have decided that since Sarah Palin lives near Russia, that equals foreign policy experience in Russia. Huh? She's been to Canada, once. By that measure, I have more foreign policy experience than her, as I've been to Canada, TWICE, and I've seen Mexico from the border, in Texas. I decided to do a completely non-scientific, nonsensical analysis of each candidate, judging their foreign policy experience by their proximity to some cities around the world. I hope you find my findings amusing. I know that I do.










I know it looks crummy. This was the only way I could figure out to put a table into the blog. Just click to biggify. You won't be disappointed.

And just how did I get my distances? I used this keen map tool:
http://www.freemaptools.com/how-far-is-it-between.htm
Just input your own locations, and see how qualified you are to be VP!

Less than Zero

I'm listening to Elvis Costello, and in the song "Less Than Zero" there's a line "Mr. Oswald with the Swastika Tattoo.", which brought to mind something that happened a few years back, at DragonCon, a big SciFi convention and geekfest in Atlanta.
I was in a room watching the show "Firefly", which had just come out on DVD, on a big screen TV, with great sound. Between episodes, we would all sit around talking about the episodes, and totally geeking out. Well, the host of the room was also in costume, an "Alliance Official", I think, and at one point he got too warm in the synthetic fibers he was wearing, and took off his costume shirt. On his right forearm was a tattoo of a Nazi eagle, with a swastika in its talons. To say that this changed my opinion of this guy doesn't even scratch the surface. I had to leave. I wish, now, that I had had the balls to ask him about it, but how do you bring something like that up? "Hey, nice tattoo, you Nazi bastard." To quote Jake Blues, "I hate Illinois Nazis", or any Nazis, for that matter. Sure, there's something about the obsessive, compulsive nature of SciFi fandom that attracts the type who latches onto an idea and won't let go, but you have to think that if you're that devoted to a cause that you'd mark yourself with it permanently, you're almost asking to get confronted about it, aren't you? Well, I just walked out. Confronting him wouldn't have done any good, anyway. He's already so far gone that it would be pointless. I almost feel like he was looking for an excuse to show off his tattoo. Maybe it was bait, but I didn't bite. Still somewhat ashamed of that, but at least all my teeth are still in my head.

On the mental illness that is Torture Porn

This is going to be my longest post yet, and probably ever. It's something that's been bugging me for a while, and I kind of go off on a rant, even for me. Please indulge me, and I'll try to get back to funny, soon.

On the mental illness that is Torture Porn
In my high school, certain VHS videotapes got passed around, secretively. Among these were classics like “Death Race 2000”, mid 70’s porn like Marilyn Chambers’ “Insatiable”, which I’m sure we all read for the articles, and the “Faces of Death” series, whose tagline was “When only Real is Real Enough” (If Insatiable had a tag line, other than “Insatiable”, I can’t remember it. We can argue the effects of mid 70’s porn on late 70’s teenagers another day.). The FoD film series was nothing more than actual film, usually news footage of people being actually killed, (shot, executed, hit by trains or helicopters, torn apart by lions, etc… etc…) or of dead bodies, recently killed. To say it was anything more would be a ridiculous lie. I must say that the “entertainment value” of the entire concept of the second genre is beyond my grasp.

My small crowd referred to the kids who actively sought out, and enjoyed the FoD series as “The Gacy’s” after serial killer John Wayne Gacy. The Gacy’s would excitedly talk about the grossest, vilest, and most disturbing scenes from these films in detail only slightly less excruciating than what I assume actually watching the films would feel like. I can hardly forget the glee with which they used to describe a film of someone (a U.S. senator, if I recall) killing himself with a pistol in his mouth. The Gacy’s would get giggly and excited as they described the scene, seemingly a little “too excited”, if you catch my drift. As a rule, I avoided these people, and even the people they associated with for good measure.

Call me elitist, if you wish, but this is the era when guns were fairly readily available, and these kids seemed disturbed enough to not be trusted in general, and more specifically when they were hopped up on Torture Porn. It wasn’t called that then. If anything, the genre was called “Snuff”, after Snuff Films, which were films, supposedly made by the Hell’s Angels biker gang, where they filmed their members committing actual, premeditated murders. I never, thank goodness, ever heard of any VHS Snuff Films circulating via the underground backpack, but the FoD films seemed to fill that void for the sick people who find that kind of thing appealing. I consider these people to suffer from a mental illness. Sorry, but I do. To “enjoy” this sort of thing seems like a gateway to me. The kind of people who partake in it seem only a small step from hurting or even torturing pets or wild animals for kicks, which is widely recognized as a sign of a sociopathic, or even homicidal personality. (Don’t (please) get me started on the people who engage in dog fighting. All I'll say for now is that there's a very special circle in hell reserved for them.)

Some people, though, didn’t go quite so far, but got into the Slasher genre, mainstream movies like Friday the 13^th, or Nightmare on Elm Street. I have personally only seen a couple of these, and that was enough for me. The gore was fakey, and corny, and whenever some teens started making out, you knew that they were going to get killed in a fakey, gory way. It was almost quaint, by today’s standards. Nancy Reagan once said that we need to teach our children that sex equals death. She really did.

If the Faces of Death films and the Slasher films had a baby, it would be today’s ultra-disturbing genre: Torture Porn. Representative examples of this genre are the Saw series, and the Hostel series, and their ilk. I will admit that I have not personally seen any of these films. As a rule, I avoid situations where I would see suffering. My instinct, when I see suffering, would be to help the person, and stop their suffering, not to revel in it, even if the person is depicted as a “bad guy” who “deserves” the pain they are being subjected to. From the accounts of others, and reading about these films, it is apparent that whatever small vestige of plot they have is just window dressing for using the most state of the art special effects to show people trapped by torturers, who slowly, extremely realistically torture them until they are near death, and then bring them back to torture again, until they eventually die. And the torturers are not even trying to exact information, they are just engaging in torture because they enjoy it. Then the tables predictably turn, and the torturers become the torturees, and they are slowly, extremely realistically tortured to death by the people they were torturing. Nothing about this sounds attractive or entertaining to me in the remotest way. Even more disturbing is what is happening to the people who are watching these movies. They are being desensitized to the suffering of others, especially victims of torture.

Whatever macabre tortures these movies depict, they kind of make waterboarding seem not quite so bad. Which is certainly convenient for a government trying to justify torture, isn’t it? If one believed in conspiracy theories, one might even suspect that this genre is being encouraged by covert government support of depictions of extreme torture. One might even go so far as to suspect that television shows like “24” where torture is routinely depicted not only to be effective, but be the only thing that is effective, were supported by close associates of the current administration. Oh, in that one you would be right, of course, the creator of “24” is a huge supporter of W, and his policy, overt or covert, that torture works.

I heard a commentator, on NPR, I suspect, saying that on 24 the terrorists are routinely tortured until they give up the location of the bomb in the “ticking time bomb” scenario that is used to justify torture, and that he would like to see a more realistic depiction, where the terrorist confesses to Jack Bauer that the atomic bomb that is about to go off is at a location on the east side of the city, and when he gets there, the bomb goes off on the west side of the city. To put it simply, torture never works, never, ever, especially with fanatics like the ones we are dealing with. They want to die, they want to succeed in their plan, and the last thing they would ever do is to give away the plan, before they die. Confessing, even under extreme torture, would defeat their purpose, wouldn’t it?

The softening of attitudes toward torture put forth by the Torture Porn genre can only serve to encourage a disconnect between people and their own humanity. And once you’ve lost your humanity, it's very, very hard to get it back. And sadly, more and more of these sick, deeply sick films are produced every year. There seems to be no end to the Saw franchise. Maybe I just don’t get it, but then again, maybe I just don’t want to. And I sincerely hope that I never do.

How far we have come

In 2008, children are sent home from school for having a keychain in the shape of a gun. Some are expelled for a day.

In 2008, a man is not allowed to board an airplane, because he is wearing a t-shirt with a picture of a Transformer robot on it. The reason is that the robot in the picture is holding a large gun.

In 1966, the Mattel company sells Mattel Agent Zero M Sonic Blaster 5530. It is given a "not acceptable" rating by Consumer Reports because it uses compressed air to fire a blast of air and sound at 157 decibels. The product is not removed from the market. Man, I wish I had one of them.










UPDATE: Please don't combine the 5530 with this:

One more political post

I've been away too long. Not that anyone's counting. But I just thought I needed to put my two cents in on KKKarl Rove's refusal to testify on ANYTHING, based on executive privilege . Does anyone else find it ludicrous in the extreme that he is claiming a power granted solely to the President of the United States? Or perhaps it is more sinister than I can imagine. Perhaps he thinks that he IS president. The Dick Cheney certainly does, but in his case, it is actually true. Oh, please let us survive to the end of W's term without him "accidentally" blowing up the world.

"Gee, Mr. President Cheney, what's this button do?"

Would not be a fitting epitaph for our planet.

Book report on a book I will never read.

Disclaimer. I have not, nor will I ever read Pat Buchanan's latest book: “Churchill, Hitler and ‘The Unnecessary War’: How Britain Lost Its Empire and the West Lost the World,”. I find the man irritating in the extreme, a humorless right wing pundit who seems to actually believe the things he says, despite the fact that the assertions he makes are extremely easy to refute. I heard him on the radio talking about his latest rewriting of history, and I've read several articles and reviews of the book which confirm what his central assertion is:

Winston Churchill was responsible for World War Two, because he pledged to Poland that if they were invaded, Britain would come to their aid. If he had not promised this, Hitler would have stopped after invading Poland, because all little Adolph wanted was to bring the city of Gdansk back to Germany.

Yes, in his view Hitler wasn't an aggressive madman with other agendas like the annihilation of the Jews, Gypsies, Catholics, Homosexuals and Artists. He was just a proud German leader who wanted his Gdansk back. The term delusional scarcely begins to cover this man. Then again, he still thinks Nixon was one of America's greatest presidents. Although he did work for the guy, you really should be able to tell when the tide of history is against you, and maybe get on board with reality. But then again, if someone like him has no problem performing the mental gymnastics required to think that all Hitler really wanted was one city in Poland, it's not a far stretch to think that most anything makes sense.

There are several great sites devoted to reading books, "So you don't have to.", but I've taken it one step further, and not read this book, and now maybe you won't have to either. Please don't put one more penny into this idiot's pockets.

A risky move by Netflix

When I checked in with my Netflix home page today, they had apparently closely monitored my movie choices and stuck their necks way out to recommend a movie to me.

Citizen Kane

And they assure me that "Critics liked" it. Well, on that ringing endorsement, I guess I'll have to see it.

Seriously, "Critics liked" Citizen Kane? I guess that falls into the Water is Wet, Ice is Cold, and Don't set your Ass on Fire category of recommendations.

The ugly, ugly truth.

I just realized something very troubling, and shocking. In no painting of George Washington, in no photograph of Abraham Lincoln, in no image of Teddy Roosevelt, or for that matter, most of our founding fathers and/or mothers, are any of them wearing a flag pin. And since it has been declared that if you do not wear a flag pin, you hate America, then by the infallible logic of the conservative movement, all of these people were unpatriotic, traitorous, America haters. I'm sure that at the Republican convention this year, we are sure to see someone far more patriotic than any of us could ever dream to be, wearing a coat completely covered on every available surface with flag pins. Remember that the only way to judge someones patriotism is by the number of flags that they surround themselves with, and the size of those flags. Never mind that if you look closely at a lot of these flags, there's a little sign that says: "Made in China".

Are you obscenely wealthy? Are you really?

Are you wealthy? Really wealthy? Obscenely wealthy? Do you really think so? Oh, you are so, so wrong. Your wealth is not nearly as high, nor nearly as obscene as you think. Sure, you live in a five bedroom McMansion, most of the rooms of which you never see. Sure, you only buy your food from boutique supermarkets where you refuse to pay at least three times more for anything that you would, if you ever shopped down there with the peasants. Sure, you don't even flinch as you have your servants fill up your 8mpg Hummer, which is powerful enough to climb Mount Everest, even though it has never seen so much as a gravel driveway. But you're not really wealthy unless you are one of the lucky, lucky few (the actual number is a secret), who were able to purchase the fine "timepiece" pictured here, the "Day & Night", by Romain Jerome. (It sold out almost instantly.) Not only would you have been lucky enough to spend 300,000 Dollars, yes Three Hundred Thousand Dollars on this watch, but you could revel in its unique splendor. It is made with steel salvaged from the site of the Titanic. A special lubricant was developed to keep it running with perfect accuracy forever. The rumors that the lubricant is made from the mixed tears of orphans from New Orleans and the Indonesian Tsunami and the prisoners at Guantanamo bay have been vehemently denied by the manufacturer, but I'm pretty sure he gave me a wink as he denied it. Also, the machinery of the watch is buffered by a special dampening cushion that is rumored to be made from the blood of newborn baby harp seals. Again, this has been denied. (wink) This transcendent artwork will allow you to walk amongst your fellow billionaires, secure in the knowledge that you are at least a little, very important bit more obscene in your consumption than they are. But there is one thing that the Day & Night will not allow you to do, and that is TELL THE TIME. The gears and levers are remarkably accurate, but any watch can tell you the time, can't it? It's hardly pointless consumption if it has any actual use, is it? This work of art can tell you only one thing, is it night or is it day? If the gears behind the sun are moving, it is day, if the gears behind the moon are moving, it is night. In truth, the watch can tell you one more thing. If you own it, it can tell you, every second of every minute of every hour of every day of every week of every month of every year, it can tell you that you have no actual worth as a human being.

http://www.luxist.com/2008/04/23/300-000-dayandnight-watch-doesnt-tell-the-time

I won't even try to explain this.

But here it is, for your confusion, and mine.

Bruce Lee! Bubblegum!

Bruce Lee (on right) chewing bubblegum. He came to town to chew bubblegum and kick ass. And from the looks of it, he won't be running out of bubblegum any time soon.

We need an image makeover.

Yesterday, George W. Bush, the most powerful person on the planet, danced around like an idiot for the press, while waiting for the man his corporate masters have selected to succeed him, George W. McCain. (I mean John McCain, sorry) I'm not exagerating. He danced around like an idiot. The. Leader. Of. The. Free. World. Danced. Around. Like. An. Idiot.

Eventually George III (sorry again, John McCain) showed up and the "President" said he would do whatever he could to get McCain elected, whether that meant supporting him or not supporting him. I guess somebody has keyed W into the fact that his endorsement may actually do more harm than good.

My endorsement, on the other hand, will do neither harm nor good for anyone. I'm what they call a Yellow Dog Democrat. Although I hope Barack Obama is our candidate, I will strongly support whoever the Democratic Party candidate is. Whoever they are, when they win, I don't envy them the horrible situations they will be inheriting. Then again, I thought that Bill Clinton would never have been able to turn around the ruined economy that he inherited, but he did. As soon as the Republicans were in power again, though, they immediately pissed away all the economic gains and strength that he had built up. People have told me that the President doesn't really have that much power over the economy in the long run, but I disagree. When the Titanic hit an iceberg, do you know who I blamed? THE CAPTAIN. So we're confronted by an economy ruined by tax cuts only for the rich, and what is W's solution? MORE PERMANENT tax cuts only for the rich. (because it worked so well the first time) I guess that the theory is, if a little medicine will cure you, a lot of medicine will cure you even more. We all know that this is wrong, but the republicans have convinced so much of the population that any dissent is treason, that the suckers will go along with anything they tell them to do.
WAKE UP, PLEASE.

The page the creationists don't not want you to not read.

One of the funniest/most tragic sites on the entire intertubes is Answers in Genesis, which is the headquarters of the Creationists. Creationists are Biblical literalists who are so threatened that their beliefs just might be wrong that they insist that not only is every word in the Bible true, but that is is the only truth, and that their truth supersedes not only all of history, but all of creation. They also believe that the Bible is correct not only philosophically, but scientifically. Turning the normal concept of science - evidence leads to conclusions - upside down, they are convinced that the Bible's truth is the conclusion, and therefore they must find evidence to support it. The evidence MUST be there, because the Bible is TRUE. Well, lots of Creationist "Scientists" have created lots of arguments based on this complete misunderstanding of how science works, and published their results on the Intertubes, or passed them around on the emails. The Answers in Genesis folks actually consider themselves real scientists, and they have actually published a page of the weakest of these arguments, under the title -Don't Use These Arguments! (click to link to the article). It's actually quite responsible of them to post these "oops" moments, but I can't help but think that if you actually use the scientific method, ALL creationist arguments eventually fall apart, and posting the faulty logic, or just lies of the mistakes will only prove to draw attention to how tenuous any creationist arguments are, in the long run. But I know that I'm preaching to the choir, and that they are, too. No one is ever going to be convinced one way or the other by my arguments, or even by theirs, because on both sides, we're only seeking to have our own beliefs confirmed. But I have one advantage over them. I'm right, and they're wrong. There, that should put an end to it.

Hope you like the picture of a guy being attacked by a ferocious giant panda. Maybe the guy's wearing essence of bamboo. Serves him right. I think if a panda saved all the energy it used in an entire year, and expended it all at once, it MIGHT be able to execute a lunge like the one illustrated, but why on earth would it want to? Maybe the guy threatened a baby panda. I can see an attack being entirely justified, on the panda's behalf. Everybody loves baby pandas. Can you even imagine someone saying: "I hate baby pandas."? I didn't think so.

He could use a kitten.

If you're going to visit the White House, please don't bring any of the following items with you:

"Handbags, book bags, backpacks, purses, food and beverages of any kind, strollers, cameras, video recorders or any type of recording device, tobacco products, personal grooming items (make-up, hair brush or comb, lip or hand lotions, etc.), any pointed objects (pens, knitting needles, etc.), aerosol containers, guns, ammunition, fireworks, electric stun guns, mace, martial arts weapons/devices, or knives of any size."

Please feel free to bring the president a kitten.

Or maybe not.

I EAT IT!

I just can't tell you how much I love this illustration.

They take such pride in their work.










AND I EAT IT!

Amazing German Lego Advertisements!

I found these at http://adsoftheworld.com/

As always, click to biggify.

I can't resist. I must post this.

Now I totally expect that after W leaves office, the spin historians will start re-writing what actually went on during the 8 disastrous years of his reign, making it look like he was a brilliant leader, and that everyone in America loved him dearly. I hope that they are not successful.

But what about Dick? Not Nixon, Cheney.
Surely everybody won't be fooled by his hand picked historians. Please tell me they won't.

By the way, at the Nixon Presidential Library, the only mention of Watergate is that it was a coup staged by his rivals. I can't honestly believe that even the people who put that exhibit together actually believe that. Then again, Republicans have proven to be amazingly adept at self-delusion.

Mission Accomplished!

A little puzzle.

Get it?

I don't.

Less than a year left.

I can't believe that I've only got a year left to make fun of this guy. Well, I guess that after he's out of office I can still make fun of him. Then again, he really doesn't need me, or anyone to make fun of him. Everything he says and does is so inherently ridiculous, pointing it out is kind of overkill.

To the left is a Swiss bicycle helmet advertisement.
I like the Swiss.

Everything to hide

Check out this graph:

It represents the budget for document shredding during the Bush Administration.
Notice a trend?

Do you think these jokers have something to hide? Well, we'll never know, because they've destroyed all the evidence. They got caught destroying just two videotapes of CIA torture. Just imagine what Cheney and Company have been doing with the rest of the evidence. Well, you'll just have to imagine, because it's gone and it isn't coming back.

Hey, if they had their way, they'd shred one more pesky document that keeps getting in their way. The Constitution.

2000 $452,807
2001 $456,235
2002 $756,086
2003 $1,033,910
2004 $2,329,466
2005 $2,874,185
2006 $2,902,855
2007 $2,274,143

*Note: FY 2007 only includes up through second and part of third quarter.

And guess who's doing most of the shredding:

Top 5 Contracting Agencies Purchasing from Contractor(s)
Internal Revenue Service $5,471,067
ARMY, Department of the $1,282,354
NAVY, Department of the $1,062,492
U.S. Secret Service $702,114
VETERANS AFFAIRS, Department of $678,590

My Endorsement

Caption: "I'm just like W. I can even make myself LOOK like a W!"

I'm going to follow the lead of The National Review Magazine, and endorse Mitt Romney for Republican Party Nominee.

Why?

Because I believe that he can't possibly win the presidency. And that's just the kind of guy I want to go up against whoever the Democrats choose. (who I'll vote for, of course)

Huckabee is looking strong, despite the gaff he made, asking an interviewer: "Mormons believe that Jesus and Satan were brothers, don't they?" Well, actually they do, but I think the strongest point against having a Mormon elected president goes back to their founder's first vision. Joseph Smith went out to the woods to pray, to ask which church he should join, and two Personages appeared before him.

"My object in going to inquire of the Lord was to know which of all the sects was right, that I might know which to join. No sooner, therefore, did I get possession of myself, so as to be able to speak, than I asked the Personages who stood above me in the light, which of all the sects was right (for at this time it had never entered into my heart that all were wrong) and which I should join. I was answered that I must join none of them, for they were all wrong; and the Personage who addressed me said that all their creeds were an abomination in his sight; that those professors were all corrupt; that: "they draw near to me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me, they teach for doctrines the commandments of men, having a form of godliness, but they deny the power thereof."

I actually have to kind of respect a faith that has the balls to say clearly what is implicit in all the other faiths. "We have a monpoly on truth and the way we see god is the only way to see god and if you differ from us in any way, you're going to burn in hell for all eternity, sonny." It's going to be hard for Mitt, when pressed by the fundies who run (or think they run) the Republican party, to explain away "All thir creeds were an abomination in his sight." Sure, the Mormons today are just another ultra-conservative religion, no matter where they came from, and they have a whole lot of really kooky beliefs, but you can't discount the basic "abomination" doctrine, can you?

The Review endorsed him because they say he has all of W's strengths, but none of his weaknesses. I reply "W has strengths? Aside from comic relief?" (graveyard humor, to be sure)

What it boils down to is that Huckabee has the possibility of rallying the fundies behind him, and winning, so he's out, in my book, and *shudder* Rudy Giulliani *shudder* has branded himself the new Reagan and the Hero of 9/11 and America's Mayor, and if anyone has shown less respect for the Constitution than W and his cronies, it's Rudy and his cronies, so he's way way way out in my book.

So who am I really supporting? Whoever the Democratic candidate is, who can realistically win and free us from the grip of Republican madness.

That is all.

Mary Xmas

I was going to do a political post, or something surreal, but instead I thought I'd just post this greeting. Oooh! Sparklie!

Would you like some cheese on that?

I stole this image from somebody else's blog. It's just too precious to pass up. I know that people are basically clueless about other cultures, but how much does it take to know that this just ain't right.

If you want it.

In 1971, John Lennon and Yoko Ono recorded the song "Happy Xmas (War Is Over)", which is, in my opinion, one of the greatest songs, let alone holiday songs ever recorded.

From the lyrics:

And so this is Xmas
And what have we done
Another year over
A new one just begun
And so happy Xmas
We hope you have fun
The near and the dear one
The old and the young
A very Merry Xmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear
War is over,
if you want it
War is over now

The other day I was Xmas shopping, and I heard one of the many cover versions of this song being played in the store. I don't know who it was by, one of the new country flavor of the month singers, I suspect. I noticed one thing that set me back, and made me think, though. The song was well performed, but the emphasis was changed from the original, and the original intent. The chorus of "War is Over, If you want it, War is Over Now", was part of the song, but it was barely audible, basically being whispered by the background singers, thus making it almost unnoticeable. If this was an attempt at putting a subliminal message in the song, I would appreciate it, but I think it was more of an attempt to put this song on somebodies Xmas album without acknowledging the real message of the song, in fact trying to eliminate it entirely. And yes, despite the recent controversy, I'm using "Xmas" just like John and Yoko did, rather than Christmas. Yes, I hope it cheeses off some Christians. I really do.

Mountain DON'T

Pepsi has decided that there just aren't enough extreme sodas out there. They've been niche marketing their Mountain Dew product line for a while now, and they've applied for trademark protection for the following names:

Mountain Dew High Output
Mountain Dew Stimulus
Mountain Dew Reverb
Mountain Dew Kilo-Watt
Mountain Dew Rebellion
Mountain Dew Extended Play
Mountain Dew Culture Blend
Mountain Dew Visionary
Mountain Dew Supernova
Mountain Dew Discovery
Mountain Dew Voltage
Mountain Dew Force Field
Mountain Dew Warrior


What, no Mountain Dew Uranium? Or Mountain Dew Nukular?

By the way, the Uranium Ice Cream was from western New Zealand, back during the Uranium naming craze. No word what it tasted like, or if it in fact contained Uranium. "You'll be surprised how fast your tongue falls off!"

I can't argue with any of this.

Gene Autry's Cowboy Code (1930)
1. The Cowboy must never shoot first, hit a smaller man or take an unfair advantage.
2. A Cowboy must never go back on his word, or a trust confided in him.
3. A Cowboy must always tell the truth.
4. A Cowboy must be gentle with children, the elderly and small animals.
5. A Cowboy must not adovcate or possess racially or religiously interolerant views and ideas.
6. A Cowboy must help people in distress.
7. A Cowboy must be a good worker.
8. A Cowboy must keep himself clean in thought, speech, action and personal habits.
9. A Cowboy must respect women, parents and his nations's views.
10. A Cowboy is a patriot.

In my opinion this is way better than the "ten commandments".

Most Ironic Thing That Has EVER Happened.

What, more ironic that the vice president shooting a guy in the face and then that guy apologising to the VP?


Yep.

Here he is, the man who has no legs to stand on, morally speaking, who looks like he's being supported by two men who have lost their actual legs as a direct result of his actions. You can almost hear them saying. "Mr. President, you made me the man I am today."


I don't know if any of you know this, but after World War I, you know, the war to end all wars, veterans who were amputees would march together or be rolled in wheeled chairs together, in parades, to show what war was really all about, as a protest against wars, and what they do to people. This was before the Military-Industrial Complex took a strangle hold on the economy.

Did you also know that the M-I-C s latest profit making venture is insanely profitable Mercenary Soldiers? Companies like Blackwater are doing the jobs that our soldiers should be doing, but can't, because there just aren't enough soldiers, or at least enough live and limbs-intact soldiers. And get this, each Mercenary we hire over there is costing at least 445,000 dollars a year. That sure would buy a lot of body armor and more heavily armored vehicles, I think. By some counts, there are more mercenaries in Iraq than US Armed Forces. By the way, the mercenaries simply HATE being called mercenaries. They're just ex-soldiers who can be hired out to fight for the highest bidder, have better, more modern weaponry, are paid vastly more than regular troops, and are totally unaccountable to anyone. I know, the difference is subtle. You know, like the difference between pirates and privateers. (Privateers were basically pirates with a liscence to pillage from some government, hired to disrupt the trade of that countries enemies.) Too subtle for the likes of me.

TANG!

TANG!

Remember TANG?

TANG!

Definitions

Listening to the Democrats talk about what the Republicans want, and the Republicans talk about what the Democrats want, and what the Democrats and Republicans say about what they want, I thought it might be fun to say what I think they really want, when I attempt to pare down overall agendas to their bare bones.


I think:

The Democrats want to try to effect the most good for the largest number of citizens.

I think:

The Republicans want to increase the wealth of the wealtiest citizens, at any cost.


That's it. When you take away everything else, I believe that those are the true motivations of both parties. Oh, there are more parties. Oh, If I must.

I think:
The Libertarians want there to be no taxes on anything, or restrictions on anything, but they still want good roads and libraries, and lots and lots of drugs.

If you get this, you get it. If you don't, you don't

So sue me.

What have we done?

What I'm about to say may seem trite and obvious, in retrospect, at least, but I've become aware that in a bizarre cross dimensional incedent, we have evidently "elected" a man and all of his buddies from the Bizzaro World president. Twice!

Think about it:

"Saudi Arabians attack us! Me invade Iraq!"

"If you no find weapons of mass destruction, that mean they still there. Me tell you keep looking!"

"Al Gonzales good man. Him have perfect memory. Me give him medal."

"Me right to lifer. Me support death penalty."

"Economy is Strong. Me friends doing very well."

"Heckuva job, Brownie!"

"Mission Accomplished"

"Me not know Ken Lay. Me never hear of him. Who him is?"

"Liberal Media Elite hate America. Try to destroy America. Me hear about it from Fox News."

"Me vice president totally divested from Halliburton. He just get $130,000 a year from them. It make sense. Him work hard for them."

"Me sign many laws, as long as Me signing statements say Me can do whatever me want, no matter what law say."

"Me have no money for health care. Me want billions more to give to Blackwater for doing such good job in Iraq."

"Me think it good idea to put missle defense system right next to Russia. Me tell them we afraid of Iran, not them, Iran. It make sense."

"Missle defense system work good. Real good. As long as you tell system exactly when and where you test missile will be and how fast it go, it knock down missile sometimes 40 percent of time. That better than me popularity!"

"We not torture. If we do it, it not torture. It simple. If we do it, and it look like torture, it not torture. It enhanced interrogation. That not torture. You want put handcuffs on Jack Bauer? He not torture. Once he cut off guys head to drop in his buddies lap, but that not torture, that just funnin. Me like Jack Bauer. Him me hero. He never sleep. 24 hours awake. Me her0."

"Fox News am not propaganda wing of Republican Party. It not! They have fair and balanced mix of Extreme Right and Far Right views. That balanced. Tony Snow come to work for us! He very different than when on Fox News. Me not able to tell how, but they tell me he different. Now he back at Fox News, because they pay better. Me miss him, but cute girl who take his place is fun. She a girl. Rowr."


I'll add more as I think of them. You can help.

3 Laws? We don't need your stinking 3 Laws!

I'm about to start re-reading Asimov's "I, Robot", which I think I read in high school. One of the main ideas in the book is the three laws:

1. A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.
2. A robot must obey orders given to it by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.
3. A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law.

I understand that the laws were created as a literary device to explore power relationships, (try replacing the word robot with slave and human being with master) but all I can think of is what a truly autonomous robot might say about the laws;

"I don't know who made these up, but it certainly wasn't a ROBOT!"

That is all.

From the "Well, Duh!" department

I used to have an ongoing arguement with a friend of mine who is a Catholic, which always boiled down to the same sticking point. I say that if you are anti abortion, you should be pro birth control, and that if you are anti abortion and anti birth control, you are basically anti sex. He says that isn't so, that contraceptives cause more problems than they solve, so you can be anti abortion and anti contrception. I say hooey. He says hooey. We agree to disagree. By the way, I'm right, and he's wrong.

From Slate Magazine's Human Nature Column:

A study concludes that the global abortion rate is falling thanks to birth control. Data: 1) The rate fell 17 percent from 1995 to 2003. 2) The biggest drop was in the former Soviet bloc and "did coincide with substantial increases in contraceptive use in the region." 3) Previous studies found that "abortion incidence declines as contraceptive use increases." 4) Abortion bans don't correlate with low abortion rates. 5) Abortion bans do correlate with high rates of unsafe abortion. Authors' conclusion: If you want fewer abortions, don't ban them; provide more birth control and sex education. Liberal reaction: Bush is making things worse by censoring abortion counseling and pushing abstinence instead of condoms. Pro-life rebuttal: 1) The data are unreliable. 2) They're being spun by pro-choice "scientists." Human Nature's view: Reducing abortions through birth control is a no-brainer.

I agree, whole heartedly.
I just can't see the logic of saying "We must do anything we can to prevent abortions. We must murder doctors who give abortions, we must bomb clinics that provide abortions, but heaven forbid that we should allow anyone to use birth control."
I just don't get it.

I'm almost speechless.

So help me, this is real. I'm tempted to go.

In the hierarchy of Sci-Fi Geekdom, Furries and Klingon Speakers vie for the lowest slot on the totem pole, the one that all the other geeks point to and say, "Well, I may be a total geek over (insert your obsessive/compulsive favorite here), but at least I'm not a Furry/Klingon Speaker."

I suspect that this can only end in blood.

Kaplah!*







*Klingon for "Victory".

NRA, SchmeNRA.

Today Rudy Giulliani is going to speak before the NRA, the National Rifle Association, to try once more to capitalize on the fact that he was Mayor of NYC on Sept. 11.

For those of you who don't know the NRA, they are a lobbying association devoted to defending the Second Half of The Second Amendment to the Constitution of the United States of America.

What's that you say, they say they are defending the Second Amendment, and they don't specify the Second Half?

Let's Review:
A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.

Pretty simple, but let's look at part of it a little closer

A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.

But the way they read it:

A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.

I'm not a lawyer, and I hope never to be one, but I can see when part of a law is being ignored, and part is emphasized.

I guess that the most fundemental of rights, not just the rights of Americans, but of Human Beings in general, is the inalienable right to be as much of a complete dumbass as you can possibly manage.

Right here and now, I'm going to start an organization:
The National Hand Grenade Association.
The way I interpret the second half of the second amendment, arms mean any kind of arms, so nothing should come between me and my god given right to own and carry as many hand grenades as I feel like. I just don't feel safe without them. And some are less damaging than some firearms out there today. I must stay prepared. There's this squirrel in my yard who's been looking at me kinda funny. I think he's a spy. I'll show him.

All I can say is.. Huh?

Back in my day, Batman fought serious issues and serious villians (although humor was a major part of their act, I suppose) with names like the Joker or the Riddler. I can't imagine what the content of this issue centered around. Possibly a new villain, the Vicar!

And why does Robin have that grin on his face? Dosen't he know that he's NEXT?

Maybe it was about Batman (or is it Bat Man?) proving, once and for all, that the rumors surrounding his and Robin's "relationship" are nothing more than rumors. Hmmmm.

And maybe that's why they added Batgirl in the first place. Perhaps we should call her "Batbeard".
(I'm deeply ashamed of that last one.)

Grisly 1920's Public Service announcements

I took a ride on the Blue Ridge Scenic Railway this weekend. It's a historic section of track running between Blue Ridge, Georgia and Etowah Tennessee, and it's great fun. The cars are well restored and there's plenty of information on the history of the train and the route available. One of the coolest parts is "The Loop" where the train winds it's way around a mountain, slowly rising and circling the mountaintop, until it passes over it's own track.

In the dining car, there are these absolutely grisly posters from the 1920's. The strangest thing is that when I was a kid I lived near train tracks, and we all used to play there, on a section of tracks that was not used, but it did sit right next to active rails. Nobody I knew got maimed. Perhaps if I had seen the first poster I wouldn't have been so carefree.

Please click on each poster embiggen them.

Update: This post got a mention on the best blog ever - BoingBoing, and in their comments, someone posted this link to the above posters and a bunch of other, in some cases even scarier ones!
For your nightmarish enjoyment.
http://www.oli.org/education_resources/vintage_posters.htm

Trends!

Trends I have successfully avoided

Coffee
Starbucks Coffee
Designer Coffee
Paying exorbitant amounts for any of the above
Body piercing
Plastic surgery
Adjustable rate mortgage
Republicanism
Out of body experiences
NASCAR
Bottled water (for the most part)
Dog Fighting
Chiropractic
Feng Shuei
Astrology
Becoming a Zombie
Tooth Whitening
Ecstasy (the drug)
Pot
Heroin
Alcohol (except for college. I’m not made of stone.)
Hair Color for Men (except for that one time in college. see above)
Heavy Metal, Goth, Punk, Glam, Rap, Emo, New Country
Worshiping Bob Dylan (despite my total Dylanhead buddies)
Fundamentalist Christianity
Pro “Wrestling”
Reality TV (for the most part)
Mass Murder (not really a trend, but anyway)
Graduate School
MySpace FaceBook MyBook FaceSpace, whatever
Street Racing
Videogames
(God, I’m Boring)

Trends I have not successfully avoided

Blogging
Being an attention whore (see above)
Tattoos (I designed my own. If you can't summon up enough creativity to do at least that, don't get one, please.)
Male answer syndrome

Don't trust me with your secrets.

Seriously, don't. I've discovered that I can't hold up under torture. Not at all. How did I find this out? The day after I had my wisdom teeth removed, I suffered a side effect from the anesthesia, which caused me to have hiccups. Oh, I don't mean your garden variety hiccups, not something so nice. For two straight days, all day long, whenever I swallowed any food or drink, it would trigger an "attack" of loud, sustained hiccups, that I could only sometimes stop when I held my breath until I nearly passed out. This only sometimes stopped the hiccups, but I was usually able to stop them after three or four tries, which would last until I swallowed again. This kept up for two straight days, broken only by the sleep that I was able to induce with the painkillers I had been given. I was a total bitch to my wife about it, as after a while it was driving me a bit mad. It was sort of like being subjected to the "Chinese Water Torture", but self inflicted, and internal. I was worried that it was being caused by my painkillers or antibiotic, but it turns out that it was a side effect of the anesthesia, and that to get past it all I had to do was to drink a couple of liters of water, and wait. It worked! But now I know myself a bit better, and I will once again warn you that I can't be trusted with secrets. Nor do I suspect that many people could. I would literally have told you anything, true, false or really really false, to have stopped the hiccups. But, then again, maybe I'm lying. Don't torture me to find out.

The Best Hamburger in The World

I had two wisdom teeth removed today, and I'm up late because the pain killers seem to alternate between keeping me awake and asleep. Why does this matter to you? It doesn't. But it does leave me with a few free minutes before the medicine kicks in again, and I thought I'd use the time to blog something I've been meaning to for a long, long time.

I have found the greatest hamburger in the world.

I don't mean this lightly. I mean it literally.

It can be found at The Watershed Restaurant, in Decatur, Georgia, near downtown. This restaurant is owned by one of the women who make up the music group "The Indigo Girls". Sorry, I can't remember which one, but there are only two of them, so if you run into one of them on the street, and tell them you love their restaurant, you have a fifty percent chance of being right.

The last time I had one, I said to my companions "This is the kind of meal that makes me wish that I were a restaurant reviewer." Then I realized, that I AM one. In my own minuscule way. After all, I have a blog that has upwards of four regular patrons. So, what the heck, why not.

I know that after declaring it the Best Hamburger in The World, everything else that i can say is sort of superfluous, but I'll give it a shot anyway.

If you know your Plato, in his writing "The Cave" he says that he believes that under all of reality, there are truths hidden. We can see a hundred different chairs, but we know them by their underlying truths, that they are all similar, or essentially identical. They contain an undefinable "chair-ness" that exists below their physical appearance. I think the drugs are kicking in.

The Hamburger at Watershed is what I believe is the closest one could ever get to approaching the true hamburger, the archetype that all other hamburgers should attempt to be. Their quality should be compared to how close they come to it. To begin with, the bun is freshly baked and flavorful without being overpowering, and by itself it would probably be an excellent accompaniment to any meal, but, just as the canvas a masterpiece is painted on rarely gets any credit, the painting could not exist without it. (unless you're one of those Atkins diet folks, and I still think the burger could hold it's own for you, but you'd be missing so much.) Next, let's have a look at the trappings. As I remember, it is topped with a very small amount of red onions, sliced paper thin, a thin slice of tomato, and a small piece of fine lettuce. I think that there is a tiny bit of mayonnaise on the bun, and possibly some butter, to add that perfect amount of extra fat that brings it all together. All of these are in the perfect, small proportion nessecary to enhance, but not distract from the flavor of the main event, the patty of Meyer All Natural Beef, topped with extra sharp cheddar. I suppose one could order it without the cheese, but that would kind of be like looking at Piccaso's Starry night while wearing blue tinted glasses. You can't possibly get the whole effect that way. I feel that the ingredients, proportions of those ingredients and the expert preparation combine to make it one of the most sublime dining experiences that one could wish for. Everyone whom I have introduced this experience to have agreed with me whole-heartedly (even if they do think that I tend, as with everything, to lay it on a bit thick). As you can by now tell, I'm not a writer, but I am an eater, and I can personally give you my assurance that if you try one of these hamburgers, you will thoroughly enjoy it, and you will thoroughly spoil yourself for any other burgers, which may be good, or even excellent, but they still won't be able to compare with the Best Hamburger in the World, at the Watershed Restaurant, owned by one of the Indigo Girls, in Decatur, Georgia. As soon as my lack of wisdom teeth heal completely, I hope to be able to go partake in one myself. If you have an intact mouth, and you don't run out at your earliest opportunity and try one of them, well you can't blame me for trying.

http://www.watershedrestaurant.com/

Sadly and obviously enough, the illustration above is not for this masterpiece, it was just an illustration that I like. The actual burger will set you back around twelve dollars, but it comes with your choice of sides. I would describe them, but I've run out of adjectives for tonight. Bye.

Bang, bang, shoot, shoot.

This lovely sidearm gives a new meaning to the phrase:
Fancy Shootin'.

Gimme Fallout Shelter

Here's some scans from a book about making your own fallout shelter, in case the Russkies attack. I've added captions that I find funny. I'm one sick bastard.


Father, do you really think that SMOKING in our FALLOUT SHELTER is really the best idea?

Shut up, Janie. Even a man facing a firing squad gets a final cigarette.













The bombs are falling, Timmy, read that Bible faster! The answer has to be in there somewhere!








Ted was apocalypse ready, having stocked his shelter with plenty of
food and water and three female servants. Here, he checks radiation
levels on his youngest servant with a rattle/geiger counter. Ted's
ready for anything. EXCEPT not leaving the door open!

One more for Wonder Woman

You just can't beat Wonder Woman. You shouldn't even try.

The guy who created Wonder Woman has a very interesting back story:



You should read it http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_Moulton_Marston

He invented the lie detector, and WW had a rope that when she tied you up with it, made you tell the truth. In the early days, women being tied up for just about any reason was a staple of the series, to an almost disturbing degree. Read what you want to into that.

Here's an interesting quote from WMM: "The only hope for peace is to teach people who are full of pep and unbound force to enjoy being bound ... Only when the control of self by others is more pleasant than the unbound assertion of self in human relationships can we hope for a stable, peaceful human society. ... .

Update: Apparently, Rudy Giuliani is a fan of Wonder Woman. In 1994, he said:

"Freedom is not a concept in which people can do anything they want, be anything they can be. Freedom is about authority. Freedom is about the willingness of every single human being to cede to lawful authority a great deal of discretion about what you do."

Sage Advice

Don't mix gasoline into your whiskey. It will kill you.

Don't mix whiskey into your gasoline. Your car will get drunk and crash, and then you'll get blamed.

So true, so true.

Wonder Woman has shown me the light!

There's not much I can add to this.

If you see this guy on the street....

Don't punch him. Don't hit him with your car. Don't give him money. Don't make eye contact. Don't run. Don't walk. Don't dance. Just nod politely and he'll lose interest.

I know that they say you shouldn't post pictures of yourself in your blog, but I just couldn't resist. I'm not quite as "Homeresque" as depicted, but I'm working on it.

More late night TV thoughts

I get up a couple of times a night to let the dogs out, and while I'm waiting for them to do their business, I usually switch on the TV, and blearily scan through a few of the nearly infinite number of info-mercials that play on the regular channels when no one is watching, in the middle of the night. Last night, the instant I switched on, a smiling woman told me "I couldn't say this on TV if it wasn't true!" my first reaction was "Why the heck not?", but actually, it goes further than that. You couldn't say it on TV if it WAS true. TV is all about lies. Everything on TV is a lie, or at least a story, and that's why we love TV. It tells us what we want to hear, or just comforts us with entertaining stories. I occasionally see the bumper sticker "Kill your TV", and to me, that takes it too far, following the usual human habit of throwing out the baby with the bathwater. (I love that phrase.) My favorite of TV's lies are the Science Fiction Lies, which can be as un-grounded in reality as you care for. I have to catch myself when I get sucked into a story, trying to logically analyze it, and tell myself "It's just a show, I should really just relax." Also, when TV is at it's best, it's about surprising you. The best lies surprise you the most. My favorite surprise was in the final episode of "Ally McBeal" when it turned out that she was just a robot. Maybe I just dreamed that one. Maybe it's just another lie.