Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Don't trust me with your secrets.

Seriously, don't. I've discovered that I can't hold up under torture. Not at all. How did I find this out? The day after I had my wisdom teeth removed, I suffered a side effect from the anesthesia, which caused me to have hiccups. Oh, I don't mean your garden variety hiccups, not something so nice. For two straight days, all day long, whenever I swallowed any food or drink, it would trigger an "attack" of loud, sustained hiccups, that I could only sometimes stop when I held my breath until I nearly passed out. This only sometimes stopped the hiccups, but I was usually able to stop them after three or four tries, which would last until I swallowed again. This kept up for two straight days, broken only by the sleep that I was able to induce with the painkillers I had been given. I was a total bitch to my wife about it, as after a while it was driving me a bit mad. It was sort of like being subjected to the "Chinese Water Torture", but self inflicted, and internal. I was worried that it was being caused by my painkillers or antibiotic, but it turns out that it was a side effect of the anesthesia, and that to get past it all I had to do was to drink a couple of liters of water, and wait. It worked! But now I know myself a bit better, and I will once again warn you that I can't be trusted with secrets. Nor do I suspect that many people could. I would literally have told you anything, true, false or really really false, to have stopped the hiccups. But, then again, maybe I'm lying. Don't torture me to find out.

Saturday, August 25, 2007

The Best Hamburger in The World

I had two wisdom teeth removed today, and I'm up late because the pain killers seem to alternate between keeping me awake and asleep. Why does this matter to you? It doesn't. But it does leave me with a few free minutes before the medicine kicks in again, and I thought I'd use the time to blog something I've been meaning to for a long, long time.

I have found the greatest hamburger in the world.

I don't mean this lightly. I mean it literally.

It can be found at The Watershed Restaurant, in Decatur, Georgia, near downtown. This restaurant is owned by one of the women who make up the music group "The Indigo Girls". Sorry, I can't remember which one, but there are only two of them, so if you run into one of them on the street, and tell them you love their restaurant, you have a fifty percent chance of being right.

The last time I had one, I said to my companions "This is the kind of meal that makes me wish that I were a restaurant reviewer." Then I realized, that I AM one. In my own minuscule way. After all, I have a blog that has upwards of four regular patrons. So, what the heck, why not.

I know that after declaring it the Best Hamburger in The World, everything else that i can say is sort of superfluous, but I'll give it a shot anyway.

If you know your Plato, in his writing "The Cave" he says that he believes that under all of reality, there are truths hidden. We can see a hundred different chairs, but we know them by their underlying truths, that they are all similar, or essentially identical. They contain an undefinable "chair-ness" that exists below their physical appearance. I think the drugs are kicking in.

The Hamburger at Watershed is what I believe is the closest one could ever get to approaching the true hamburger, the archetype that all other hamburgers should attempt to be. Their quality should be compared to how close they come to it. To begin with, the bun is freshly baked and flavorful without being overpowering, and by itself it would probably be an excellent accompaniment to any meal, but, just as the canvas a masterpiece is painted on rarely gets any credit, the painting could not exist without it. (unless you're one of those Atkins diet folks, and I still think the burger could hold it's own for you, but you'd be missing so much.) Next, let's have a look at the trappings. As I remember, it is topped with a very small amount of red onions, sliced paper thin, a thin slice of tomato, and a small piece of fine lettuce. I think that there is a tiny bit of mayonnaise on the bun, and possibly some butter, to add that perfect amount of extra fat that brings it all together. All of these are in the perfect, small proportion nessecary to enhance, but not distract from the flavor of the main event, the patty of Meyer All Natural Beef, topped with extra sharp cheddar. I suppose one could order it without the cheese, but that would kind of be like looking at Piccaso's Starry night while wearing blue tinted glasses. You can't possibly get the whole effect that way. I feel that the ingredients, proportions of those ingredients and the expert preparation combine to make it one of the most sublime dining experiences that one could wish for. Everyone whom I have introduced this experience to have agreed with me whole-heartedly (even if they do think that I tend, as with everything, to lay it on a bit thick). As you can by now tell, I'm not a writer, but I am an eater, and I can personally give you my assurance that if you try one of these hamburgers, you will thoroughly enjoy it, and you will thoroughly spoil yourself for any other burgers, which may be good, or even excellent, but they still won't be able to compare with the Best Hamburger in the World, at the Watershed Restaurant, owned by one of the Indigo Girls, in Decatur, Georgia. As soon as my lack of wisdom teeth heal completely, I hope to be able to go partake in one myself. If you have an intact mouth, and you don't run out at your earliest opportunity and try one of them, well you can't blame me for trying.


Sadly and obviously enough, the illustration above is not for this masterpiece, it was just an illustration that I like. The actual burger will set you back around twelve dollars, but it comes with your choice of sides. I would describe them, but I've run out of adjectives for tonight. Bye.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Bang, bang, shoot, shoot.

This lovely sidearm gives a new meaning to the phrase:
Fancy Shootin'.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Gimme Fallout Shelter

Here's some scans from a book about making your own fallout shelter, in case the Russkies attack. I've added captions that I find funny. I'm one sick bastard.

Father, do you really think that SMOKING in our FALLOUT SHELTER is really the best idea?

Shut up, Janie. Even a man facing a firing squad gets a final cigarette.

The bombs are falling, Timmy, read that Bible faster! The answer has to be in there somewhere!

Ted was apocalypse ready, having stocked his shelter with plenty of
food and water and three female servants. Here, he checks radiation
levels on his youngest servant with a rattle/geiger counter. Ted's
ready for anything. EXCEPT not leaving the door open!

Friday, August 10, 2007

One more for Wonder Woman

You just can't beat Wonder Woman. You shouldn't even try.

The guy who created Wonder Woman has a very interesting back story:

You should read it http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_Moulton_Marston

He invented the lie detector, and WW had a rope that when she tied you up with it, made you tell the truth. In the early days, women being tied up for just about any reason was a staple of the series, to an almost disturbing degree. Read what you want to into that.

Here's an interesting quote from WMM: "The only hope for peace is to teach people who are full of pep and unbound force to enjoy being bound ... Only when the control of self by others is more pleasant than the unbound assertion of self in human relationships can we hope for a stable, peaceful human society. ... .

Update: Apparently, Rudy Giuliani is a fan of Wonder Woman. In 1994, he said:

"Freedom is not a concept in which people can do anything they want, be anything they can be. Freedom is about authority. Freedom is about the willingness of every single human being to cede to lawful authority a great deal of discretion about what you do."

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Sage Advice

Don't mix gasoline into your whiskey. It will kill you.

Don't mix whiskey into your gasoline. Your car will get drunk and crash, and then you'll get blamed.

So true, so true.

Friday, August 03, 2007