Saturday, August 25, 2007

The Best Hamburger in The World

I had two wisdom teeth removed today, and I'm up late because the pain killers seem to alternate between keeping me awake and asleep. Why does this matter to you? It doesn't. But it does leave me with a few free minutes before the medicine kicks in again, and I thought I'd use the time to blog something I've been meaning to for a long, long time.

I have found the greatest hamburger in the world.

I don't mean this lightly. I mean it literally.

It can be found at The Watershed Restaurant, in Decatur, Georgia, near downtown. This restaurant is owned by one of the women who make up the music group "The Indigo Girls". Sorry, I can't remember which one, but there are only two of them, so if you run into one of them on the street, and tell them you love their restaurant, you have a fifty percent chance of being right.

The last time I had one, I said to my companions "This is the kind of meal that makes me wish that I were a restaurant reviewer." Then I realized, that I AM one. In my own minuscule way. After all, I have a blog that has upwards of four regular patrons. So, what the heck, why not.

I know that after declaring it the Best Hamburger in The World, everything else that i can say is sort of superfluous, but I'll give it a shot anyway.

If you know your Plato, in his writing "The Cave" he says that he believes that under all of reality, there are truths hidden. We can see a hundred different chairs, but we know them by their underlying truths, that they are all similar, or essentially identical. They contain an undefinable "chair-ness" that exists below their physical appearance. I think the drugs are kicking in.

The Hamburger at Watershed is what I believe is the closest one could ever get to approaching the true hamburger, the archetype that all other hamburgers should attempt to be. Their quality should be compared to how close they come to it. To begin with, the bun is freshly baked and flavorful without being overpowering, and by itself it would probably be an excellent accompaniment to any meal, but, just as the canvas a masterpiece is painted on rarely gets any credit, the painting could not exist without it. (unless you're one of those Atkins diet folks, and I still think the burger could hold it's own for you, but you'd be missing so much.) Next, let's have a look at the trappings. As I remember, it is topped with a very small amount of red onions, sliced paper thin, a thin slice of tomato, and a small piece of fine lettuce. I think that there is a tiny bit of mayonnaise on the bun, and possibly some butter, to add that perfect amount of extra fat that brings it all together. All of these are in the perfect, small proportion nessecary to enhance, but not distract from the flavor of the main event, the patty of Meyer All Natural Beef, topped with extra sharp cheddar. I suppose one could order it without the cheese, but that would kind of be like looking at Piccaso's Starry night while wearing blue tinted glasses. You can't possibly get the whole effect that way. I feel that the ingredients, proportions of those ingredients and the expert preparation combine to make it one of the most sublime dining experiences that one could wish for. Everyone whom I have introduced this experience to have agreed with me whole-heartedly (even if they do think that I tend, as with everything, to lay it on a bit thick). As you can by now tell, I'm not a writer, but I am an eater, and I can personally give you my assurance that if you try one of these hamburgers, you will thoroughly enjoy it, and you will thoroughly spoil yourself for any other burgers, which may be good, or even excellent, but they still won't be able to compare with the Best Hamburger in the World, at the Watershed Restaurant, owned by one of the Indigo Girls, in Decatur, Georgia. As soon as my lack of wisdom teeth heal completely, I hope to be able to go partake in one myself. If you have an intact mouth, and you don't run out at your earliest opportunity and try one of them, well you can't blame me for trying.

Sadly and obviously enough, the illustration above is not for this masterpiece, it was just an illustration that I like. The actual burger will set you back around twelve dollars, but it comes with your choice of sides. I would describe them, but I've run out of adjectives for tonight. Bye.


MuseumGeek said...

I'm sure it's a never ending question but I doubt they beat Mazo's in Milwaukee or the full pound King of the North burgers in Minocqua.

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