Tuesday, October 31, 2006

The REAL hero of the Battle of the Death Star


Who destroyed the Death Star? Luke Skywalker? "Just like Beggar's Canyon, back home." NAH! (By the way, "Bullseying Wamp-Rats" sounds spectacularly cruel. Nice hero.)

Maybe it was the other guy, whose name I can't remember, who took the first shot at the "Thermal Exhaust Port", whose shot "Just impacted on the surface." Nope, not him, either.

No, the true hero of the Battle of the Death Star, the real presence that Darth Vader detected, was his actual first "Son", Threepio.

Threepio, you say? Yep, Threepio. The golden colored, mysteriously British droid, the one that Darling Little Anikin Skywalker created from stolen parts back in his days as a slave. Technically, Ani was Threepio's creator, and therefore his father, which also technically makes both Luke and Leia Threepio's half sibling, by my way of thinking. (They both treated him pretty shabbily, too, which points to his being their sibling, except that he is actuallly their OLDER brother, and he should have been doing the picking on.)

So how did the fay droid accomplish such a heroic act? Quite by accident, sorry to say. He never even realized he did it. When Luke, Leia, Han Solo and Chewbacca are trapped in the garbage masher (3263827!), and they are being squished by the moving walls, Luke yells for him to shut down all the garbage mashers on the detention level. Threepio then tells Artoo "NO! Shut them ALL down!" So what happened next? Once the others escape the garbage masher, he forgot to start ALL the garbage mashers up again. This caused a dangerous build up of methane gas. I think the reason for the garbage to be mashed in the first place was to squash it down to slow the production of methane. Once he shut them all down, the methane kept building up and building up, only waiting for the perfect spark to ignite it all. The crew, contractors and staff of the Death Star were so busy getting ready for the battle, nobody noticed that the mashers were disabled. Nobody thought that some random droid, let alone one hand built by Lord Vader, way back when he was just an annoying kid, would have shut down the garbage mashers, and forgotten to turn them back on. Then, in the middle of the great battle, the planet destroying beam is set to go, and it provided the spark neeeded to set off all that methane, thereby destroying the Death Star, and killing all those Imperials. Thanks a lot, Threepio. So if Anikin had not built Threepio in the first place, the Empire would have WON. Nice job, Ani.

P.S. When Luke wanted to be a Jedi, Yoda said he was too old to begin the training. When Liam Neeson wanted to make Ani a Jedi, the council said he was too old. Then when we meet the "younglings" who Anikin would later slaughter, they are tiny little kids, and this is probably the advanced class. So the Jedi, the "good guys" basically swoop in to birthing rooms, measure the newborns for the terribly named "midichlorians", and if they score high enough, say "Sorry, lady, I'm taking your baby, but don't worry, he'll be a JEDI!" My biggest problem with the saga is that no matter how bad you are, if you reform at the last possible minute, you are redeemed. Anikin slaughtered children, destroyed whole planets, basically became the poster child for genocide, but at the last minute he kills the emperor, and because of this he gets promoted to "glowing Jedi ghost". All is forgiven. If Goebels had assasinated Hitler, would this have made him a good guy? NO. Yes, yes, I take this all too seriously.
That is all.

1 comment:

Laura said...

A very intersting commentary on the saga.